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World horrified by Japan nuclear disaster, North Korea "excited"

17, Mar 2011 By Simon

Pyongyang , North Korea. The international response to the Japanese nuclear disaster has been mixed. Whilst China has announced that it has suspended its nuclear power plant projects and the rest of the world watches the suffering of the Japanese people in horror, a spokesman for the North Korean government stated that the bonkers dictatorship thinks it is “all really fantastic” and that it would accelerate its nuclear weapons program.

“Our great leader was jumping up and down on the sofa with excitement as soon as Fukushima Daiichi blew,” said the unnamed official, “He was getting bored with the whole nuclear thing and was thinking of buying a Premier League football team instead or an IPL franchise, but the bang was bigger than he expected and now he’s really excited by all the media fuss it’s getting.”

Kim Jong-il and nuclear power
Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-il reacts to the possibilities

Shortly after Kim Jung-Il ordered the acceleration of the crackpot regime’s nuclear weapons program, including a temporary cessation on whipping the nuclear team, a new allotment of one day off per month, and granting the country’s top nuclear scientist an extra 25 grains onto his daily rice ration.

“The leader is very excited by the destructive power,” the official added.

International intelligence agencies have also reported that Libya, Bahrain, Zimbabwe, Burma, and tiny African lunatic state, Equatorial Guinea, are all starting nuclear programs.

“They’re all impressed by the destruction,” said a man in dark glasses sitting on bar stool, using seven empty beer bottles as cover, “Pyongyang is talking about doing a ‘Daiichi’ to Seoul, Mugabe wants to nuke London and Equatorial Guiness, sorry, Guinea, just wants the world to realize how crazy it is and get some press.” The name of “BlackFox1” will be kept secret for his own safety (his wife only lets him drink on Saturdays).

Intelligence Bureau cables leaked to Faking News by our trusted internet source”MrMartini007″ state that even the Naxalite movement is planning a nuclear deterrent. Reports suggest that three guys are currently engaged in the manufacture of a “really, really strong… stupidly strong” batch of chilli pickle, which the Naxal leadership believes to be the first stage on the nuclear process.

Meanwhile, the GOI has expressed its deepest sympathies to the people of Japan and has stated that it takes civilian and military nuclear safety very seriously. However, a GOI spokesman stated that as an “advanced and fully developed nuclear nation just like Japan, India absolutely possesses the advanced power generation capacity for such a disaster”.