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Tired of beheading civilians, ISIS planning to behead each other to increase TRP

31, Aug 2014 By johnrj

Iraq/Syria. After videos were released of beheading civilians and reporters which got infamous for their notoriety, the ISIS is willing to go one step ahead and behead each other to increase their TRP even more.

“We never thought we would become so infamous,” said a smiling ISIS soldier, “I heard from my friend that we are getting so many views in the Internet and TV. I wouldn’t have even seen my face in the mirror that many times in my entire life.”

Many top officials were seen ecstatic after hearing the news but disappointed that their TRP had gone down recently as they were appearing too predictable. Soon the decision was made and they had sent word to the soldiers that they can now behead each other to become more famous and increase the TRP.

Practice sessions of beheadings!
Practice sessions of beheadings!

“It’s a tough life to live without proper TRP you know,” said one of the leaders, “We try so much to kill people and still hardly people give us coverage. Now is the time to have dramatic twists.”

“I could imagine how it might go. It could be like a reality show with an elimination round,” said an excited ISIS soldier, “Except we get permanently eliminated.”

“But remember, 72 virgins!” the soldier said amidst loud cheers from fellow soldiers.

Some of the soldiers have already voluntarily signed up to get beheaded because they would not be covering their faces during the procedure and hence their fame would increase even more.

“Anyway America is going to bomb us soon so we thought why not die a little early with more fame?” an ISIS soldier later told Faking News on condition of anonymity and on threat of beheading if his name was revealed.

“The more the TRP, the more attention we get and more people would be scared of us. We don’t like to be ignored obviously and gaining attention is our number one priority ahead of anything else,” he clarified.

Hearing this news, terror organizations from Kashmir, who have been accidentally killing themselves while attempting to do the Ice Bucket Challenge have promptly opted for a better choice

“It’s difficult to do the ice bucket challenge here. Last week one of my pals did it and since it was already freezing weather here in Kashmir, he died by the time the ice got completely poured over him, so we got less TRP,” said a concerned terrorist, “Instead of trying to get famous by dying over the ice bucket challenge, at least we get to die in a hotter climate with many people cheering us. People abroad also care less about Kashmiri terrorists as compared to the Middle East ones so TRP will be high if we do it there.”

Some of the Kashmiri terrorists have brought with them various Salman Khan movie DVDs as a goodwill gesture to prepare the ISIS volunteers to generously accept beheading as a blessing in disguise after watching them.