Islamabad. New details and insights into Pakistan’s terror infrastructure and network are coming out each day after Osama Bin Laden’s killing. Latest reports say that terrorist groups operating from Pakistan have been offering “guided tour packages” to foreigners visiting the country. These packages, available at attractive rates, provide free protection to the customers from any possible violence from terror groups, and have been selling like hot cakes.
To protect themselves against the violence, a foreign visitor to the ailing state has to take up a temporary membership with a local terror group of his choice. With terrorist infiltration of the army and the police and ISI support for shady groups, becoming a “temporary terrorist” is now the only way to stay safe.
“I had to attend a conference in Islamabad,” said academic, Lionel Kendall, “My embassy was very worried about my safety until I joined the Lashkar-e-Lahore-inqilabi (LeLi) on a two week ‘Gold’ membership.” With his gold plastic membership card, Mr. Kendall enjoyed immunity from kidnap, a range of 4-star “safe hotels” and a complimentary guided camel tour of some of the region’s most inaccessible caves.
“We see ourselves as part time security professionals,” said “Abdul” of “LeLi”, a fast growing start-up terror group, “It’s also a nice change, hospitality is such a refreshing change from all the terror, violence and bloodshed that we have been carrying after getting a state business development grant from the ISI.”
Faking News asked if Abdul saw a future for himself in the travel industry in case “LeLi” failed to grow on projected lines. “Maybe,” he replied, “Some colleagues of ours did go to New York a while ago and we already have international contacts and a brand identity.”
But Abdul explained that the business was not always easy; he occasionally has bad customers.
“The Americans are the worst,” he complains, “Last Sunday night we took a group of them on a complimentary tour of Osama’s house and they shot him, which was impolite. We asked them to pay, but they said the ISI would pick up the bill.”
Asked about the impact of Osama’s death on business, Abdul said that some people were talking about getting Colonel Gaddafi involved, but he was confident that terrorism in Pakistan had a “bright and secure future”.