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Syrian President Assad hires Ram Jethmalani to prove that he didn't use Chemical weapons

19, Sep 2013 By Sandeep Kadian

Damascus. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has decided to hire Indian lawyer Mr. Ram Jethmalani to prove his innocence regarding the use of chemical weapons in Syria.

A press release from the Syrian President said, “We have been following the recent cases fought by Mr. Jethmalani and have been greatly impressed by his arguments. We want to use his expertise to prove that President Assad didn’t authorize use of any chemical weapons and the UN report is wrong.”

Bashar Al Assad
He is all ears for suggestions from India

Rockets containing the chemical agent sarin were fired in rebel held suburb of Ghouta near Damascus on 21st of August which had resulted in the deaths of hundreds of people. UN report has blamed President Assad’s forces for this attack but the President vehemently denies ordering this attack.

As per sources, Mr. Jethmalani has already agreed to represent President Assad in his bid to prove his innocence. One close aide of the eminent lawyer told Faking News, “Looks simple enough case. We will argue that Syrians suffer from mental disorder which leads them to exploding chemical weapons. How can anyone blame the one who launches chemical weapons in such a scenario? It becomes immaterial whether Assad launched chemical weapons or not if the victims have mental health issues.”

This condition is being termed as “chemical locha” if sources are to be believed.

Meanwhile, there are reports that this may not be the only help Bashar al-Assad seeks from India. He is also looking to hire a media consultant from India to build a positive image of the Syrian government.

A close aide of President Assad said, “The President has noticed that no one is calling Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav or his ministers, particularly Azam Khan, ‘mass murderer’ for riots in UP even after several media reports and sting operations suggest that they asked the police to go slow on rioters.”

“Only one UN report has resulted in a worldwide call for ouster of President Assad. We are looking to hire some media consultants from India to help us understand what Akhilesh Yadav is doing right,” the aide confirmed.

“There is a suggestion that we deny visa to Narendra Modi and our image could improve like anything. Assad has requested Mr. Modi to apply for visa,” the aide disclosed what one media consultant from India suggested.