Islamabad, Pakistan. Keeping with the tradition of altering history that doesn’t suit its ideological and political preferences, Pakistan has decided to remove 16 December from all future calendars.
This step is aimed at erasing history that happened 40 years ago, when on 16th December 1971, Pakistan army surrendered to the Indo-Bangladesh forces, leading to the division of Pakistan and independence of Bangladesh.
Pakistan will now assume it never happened.
“There will be no day numbered 16 in December. We’ll have 15 December followed by 17 December. To make up for the loss of this one day, we will celebrate 25 December twice – first as Christmas, and then as Qaid-e-Azam day, the birthday of Mohammad Ali Jinnah,” Pakistani Home Minister Rehman Malik announced.
Mr. Malik rejected criticisms that the decision was against minority-rights as it effectively shifted Christmas on 24th December.
“Look, this is in fact going to help our Christian brothers – Taliban and other extremist forces will be happy with Christmas being dislodged and will not attack any celebrations,” he explained. However, he didn’t commit whether two consecutive holidays would be announced on both the 25 Decembers.
The Home Minister of Pakistan further claimed that there was nothing outlandish in the decision as Pakistan have been advancing clocks by an hour regularly in the past several years to save power. The clocks were later reversed by an hour to get back to the normal schedule. This decision takes that logic forward and advances the clocks by full 24 hours on the night of 15th December.
The religious parties, ISI, and the Pakistani Army have welcomed the decision, which drew mixed reactions from Historians. While some historians termed the decision a “farce”, many others have expressed relief.
“I hope we can now remove references in the history books that claim that the Pakistan armed forces defeated Indian forces everywhere in 1971; we used to have tough time explaining this to our students,” a Professor of History told Faking News on conditions of anonymity.