Islamabad, Pakistan. In a clever move aimed at getting rid of both gays and infidels, considered un-Islamic and impure by Taliban, the Pakistan arm of the militant group has put together a group of gay suicide bombers that would attack Indians, the infidels, in the new year. The group is attracting gay Pakistanis, who hate India, but are unaware of the hatred Taliban has for them.
“These guys have no idea that Taliban would be most happy to kill them as well,” security expert C Raman told Faking News, “They are blinded with the hatred that they possess for India, who they think is responsible for all the troubles Pakistan is facing today like power outages, militancy, match-fixing and atrocities on Palestinians.”
Experts point out that groups like Taliban had earlier persecuted homosexuals for their “sinful” ways, but the gay Pakistanis lining up to join Taliban reject those instances as “Hindu-Zionist” conspiracy to discredit Taliban.
“They have given me so much of love,” Zaid Hommid, one of the gay recruits said, “In fact, they allowed me to be one with Pervez, my love, at the camp here. Me and Pervez would soon leave for India and cast terror into the hearts of our enemies.”
Zaid and Pervez are hopeful of mingling with the Indian population without raising any eyebrows. They have already equipped themselves with many pop-cultural references to India and were seen with DVDs of Coffee with Karan along with other Bollywood movies.
Interestingly, Taliban is training these gay suicide bombers in teams of two each. They have encouraged gay Pakistanis to join the training camps with their partners. Experts point out that this is an “afterlife” incentive for the martyred homosexuals.
“None of them would be interested in 72 virgins that Taliban promises to ‘normal’ suicide bombers. That’s why they are preparing the gay bombers in couples. Both of them die and think they’d have gala time in the heaven with each other,” pointed out a Taliban watcher.