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Mayhem by models, Pakistan Fashion week kills 90 terrorists

24, Nov 2009 By Guest Patrakar

Karachi, Pakistan. News reports leaked to Maila Times indicate the recently held Pakistan Fashion Week in Karachi was responsible for killing 90 terrorists these past few weeks. Organizers of the show were pleased to learn that in addition to mesmerizing the fashion world with their haute couture, fashion shows held at the gala were also effective in fighting terrorism, one sexy catwalk at a time.

According to military spokesman Athar Abbass, Pakistan’s first ever fashion week was a huge success in the fight against terrorism. “The army, in cohorts with the nation’s top fashion designers, strategically planned the timing and logistics of the event to catch the miscreants off-guard,” said Mr. Abbas. “In addition to our surgical strikes, the pure sexyness and defiance of the fashion shows delivered an effective knock-out punch to the Taliban.” Mr. Abbas clarified that the fashion week was postponed twice not because of security concerns, but rather to better ‘coincide’ with the military’s operational plans.

In a press statement issued by the ISPR, scantily clad models, girls smoking cigarettes, fashionistas caked in make-up, and socialites looking out for Sunday Magazine photographers were the primary weapons used at the fashion week against the terrorists. “This overflow of defiance against the Taliban is a terrorist killing machine,” said arm-chair security analyst Ayesha Siddiqa.

Terrorists couldn’t survive the killer looks. This sexy pose by models reportedly killed 6 terrorists
Terrorists couldn’t survive the killer looks. This sexy pose by models reportedly killed 6 terrorists

However, it is still unclear how exactly terrorists were killed by the fashion week. Unnamed militants in South Waziristan reported that when their fellow militants heard of such defiance, they simply dropped dead. Other sources indicate that some militants were unable to ‘handle’ the extremely ‘haraam’ nature of fashion week and after looking at pictures and videos from the event, were shocked to death – literally. An anonymous militant who survived the four day event told Maila Times that it was “extremely difficult to control my breathing after seeing so many pairs of ankles, bare arms, ridiculous costumes, and attitudes that said ‘defiance’.” The militant said that he was able to survive because immediately after seeing the reports, he quickly went and held the hand of his fellow fighter.

Ayesha Tammy Haq, CEO of Pakistan Fashion Week, was pleased that the event was able to show the world that Pakistan is not just about terrorism. “This just proves that the way to fight terrorism is to shock them into submission with some skin,” said Ms. Haq. “I can’t wait for the New York Times to feature our event in their daily ‘feel-good’ story about Pakistan.”

Despite the success in killing terrorists, fashion designers and models participating in the event were disappointed that their hard work and designs were being overshadowed by the media’s coverage of the fashion week’s defiance against the Taliban. “That’s all fine and lovely, but can we please talk about my elegant ensemble of patchwork motif?” asked fashion designer Sonya Battla. Nadia Hussain, a prominent model, was also upset  that instead of the media focusing on her catwalk, the media was too busy looking for a look of ‘defiance’ on her face.

Interior Minister Rehman Malik was quick to point out that the PPP and the President are supporters of the thriving fashion industry in Pakistan and that the democratically elected government by the democratic loving people of Pakistan voted for ‘sexy’.

(Originally published on Pakistani News Satire website Maila Times)