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Pakistan apologizes to Adarsh Liberals for deterioration in quality of terrorists

08, Aug 2015 By The Reviewer

Islamabad, Pakistan. In a display of surprising humility and honesty, Pak ISPR (or Inter Services Public Relations, the PR arm of ISI) has released a rather candid letter addressed to Adarsh Liberals, a special breed of Indian left-liberals, apologizing for the deteriorating quality of terrorists and terrorism.

This comes after a string of social media posts and op-eds by professional Indian liberals protesting the quality of terrorists Pak has been producing of late. “They look like weak poor ill-trained boys, not terrorists,” one Adarsh Liberal quipped.

Gen. Chand Nawab (ISPR spokesperson) while releasing the letter made an emotional appeal to Adarsh Liberals, saying, “Don’t lose your faith in us. All these years your faith in us has kept us going through some tough times. But we have to be honest here, Pakistan has some introspection to do. Lack of funds can no longer be an excuse.”

The latest captured terrorist has totally disappointed the adarsh liberals of India
The latest captured terrorist Naved has totally disappointed the adarsh liberals of India

But even this emotional appeal has failed to pacify the outraged Indian liberals. Kavita Subramaniam, a famous Indian self styled comrade and liberal (and consumer of 21% of India’s total candle production) said, “We cannot give them any more chances. The terrorists don’t look like terrorists anymore. The last terrorist caught and surrounded by a crowd of 50 and armed policemen is a total letdown. Judges might laugh at him and not award capital punishment to him. Who will we be saving then?”

Saba Lakhvi, an editor with shoutlook magazine said, “I am aghast with low quality supply of terrorists. I have decided to completely boycott all track 2 initiatives. That should teach them. For decades track 2 meetings between Indian and Pak liberals have contributed greatly to the cause of revenues of 5 star hotels. Over the years, track 2 meetings have shown a lot of promise by track 2 goers unanimously agreeing to the schedule and lunch menu of next track 2 meeting. With such low quality of terrorists, even the quality of track 2 initiatives will nosedive.”

Prof. Rameez Raza of Pakistan think tank RANDI (recently launched think tank Research and Development International) however said that expectations of Indian liberals were unrealistic. “Look, ISIS is the new Messiah in the Islamic town. There is a severe talent crunch in the jihadi circuit. Every talented terrorist wants to join ISIS. Indians are low priority targets.”

“Why would a really talented terrorist choose India as onsite opportunity when middle East and Europe are available? Indian liberals should accept the reality, assume some responsibility and do their own job well first. If you need better terrorists, use your pens and cameras and instigate local Muslims to join jihad for love of qaum, not for love of foreign tours,” he added.

An IB insider on the condition of anonymity echoes Raza’s sentiments. “Local Pakistani terror talent is more interested in ISIS. ISI was banking on Indian talent especially Kashmiri talent who hates India and Modi to join JeT, but they have all decided to be employed elsewhere for now like becoming spokespersons of a national party or at a social media company, where they would get to work closely with the government they hate or media organizations.”

Meanwhile 40 eminent citizens and adarsh liberals have written to ISI and JeT to hire better terrorists and provide better training to terrorists. One of these citizens Mahesh Dutt even got an acknowledgement letter from a senior JeT leader in which the leader fondly remembered how Dutt’s son and network was used by an operative to plan and executive an earlier attack.

“Oh those were the good old days Mr. Dutt!” the JeT leader noted and thanked him for his continued support and promised better quality terrorism in future.