Sunday, 19th November, 2017

Snippets

ISIS plans to conquer Asia by 2020, Mars by 2030, and then plans first space journey by 2040

18, Aug 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

Syria: After ISIS released its vision 2020 map showing its increased predicted influence around the world, there has been news of a vision 2030 ISIS map with a few regions marked ‘ISIS’ on planet Mars as well.

ISIS now in space too
ISIS now in space too

Along with that a few leaked blue prints of a ‘work-in-progress’ ISIS rocket are also going viral on internet, a rocket which apparently will be launching ISIS into space for the first time in year 2040.

While astrophysicists and rocket scientists all over the world are puzzled because of these observations, yet ISIS caliphate itself is confident that it can somehow conquer planet mars in year 2030, which is 10 years prior to actually going in space in 2040.

Talking to international media, ISIS head of space conquest program Mr. Zuhleel Sharmzaar provided more details. He was also drawing some business plans and story-board sketches on a white-board to explain his plans better to media-persons.

“We will conquer half the planet by 2025 AD and full by 2029. Then we will take some much needed rest for 1 full year and enjoy the spoils of our worldly caliphates. Then we will move to other planets in galaxy and give them the taste of our interpretation of freedom and justice,” he said.

“By 2030 we will conquer the red planet Mars. By 2035 we will finish off having sex with all the men on the red planet and will kill them. By 2039 we will own all the women on the planet Mars as Mr. Baghdadi’s private slaves and establishing the Mars Chapter of ISIS,” he added.

“We will again take 1 full year rest till 2040 before we launch our cutting edge space program and move forward to take-over the whole universe, the center of which is our earth,” Mr. Zuhleel said and illustrated a rough sketch of universe on the white board with marker pens.

When asked on how anyone can even go to mars without first going into space, Mr. Zuhleel didn’t quite understand the question and got a bit angry. He said, “Kurf, don’t ask stupid questions. Another day a person was trying to explain to me that our earth is not the centre of the universe. You know what I did? I had him fed to the dogs. We are the ISIS caliphate.”

“We will lay down a staircase from earth to mars if needed, a staircase of dead-bodies. And red planet is just the first step, beyond that the whole universe is ours. The centre of which is our earth,” Mr. Zuhleel concluded as he frantically smelled a set of white-board marker pens and took a deep breath of ink vapors.