Karachi, Pakistan. Within hours of Pakistan’s special envoy to India claiming that Dawood Ibrahim was not in Pakistan, the most wanted terrorist has confirmed that the news was true.
“Yes, I’m not in Pakistan,” a fax sent to media houses from a Karachi number declared. The fax was dated 10th August 2013 and undersigned by Dawood Ibrahim.
A 20-year-old picture too was faxed afterwards, showing Dawood in some Sharjah stadium watching some cricket match, so that Indian media houses would have no doubt that it was the terrorist himself.
Faking News, using Skype and neighbor’s unsecured Wi-Fi connection, called back on the number mentioned on the fax and was greeted by Dawood’s office in Karachi.
“Bhai is settling the dues from IPL betting and chatting with Hafiz Saeed saahab on Facebook; I am his PA,” replied a person in Hindi when Faking News asked if Dawood Ibrahim could come on line.
“Bhai has bought this 100 acres of land from the government where this mansion and office is situated,” the PA “Lamba Nukeel” informed.
“This is now a private land, and not a part of Pakistan,” he explained how Dawood was “technically” not in Pakistan.
“Of course, Pakistan was never lying even in the case of Osama Bin Laden. Even Osama had bought that mansion, although he had messed it up by mortgaging it, but technically he was not in Pakistan, just like Bhai is not here,” Lamba Nukeel claimed.
Lamba Nukeel explained that such practice was common with Pakistan, where it has given lands to different entities, such as giving part of the occupied Kashmir to China, bordering areas with Afghanistan to USA, and the rest to Taliban.
“Bhai is as important a strategic ally to Pakistan as is China, US, or Taliban, and hence he was given this special status,” Dawood’s PA explained.
“On Google Maps and in the statements issued by your leaders,” Lamba Nukeel said when Faking News asked where exactly the sovereign and democratic nation of Pakistan was located if its various parts were under control of various non-state actors.