Islamabad, Pakistan. Entire alleged nation of Pakistan went into a jubilant mood today after it was known that one of the “non-state actors” of the country had been nominated for the Best Actor category in the latest Academy Awards.
It was a riot of lights and sound all over Karachi and Baluchistan, albeit mostly caused by routine arson and bomb blasts in the sectarian violence, when people celebrated the international recognition and leadership of Pakistan.
Kulbulawal Khan, a part-time terrorist and noted Historian of Pakistan was overjoyed: “In such a long history of Pakistan, which goes back to the ages before dinosaurs, today is the first time when the country is getting such attention. So far the only other significant event for Pakistan was when fanatic Hindus took away India from it.”
When this Faking News reporter reminded Kulbulawal Khan of Pakistani scientist Abdus Salam, who shared the 1979 Nobel Prize in Physics, the historian said, “Salam had left Pakistan in 1974, so that was his personal achievement. Also, he was a non-Muslim.”
Many others like Khan insist that the Oscar nomination indeed was the best thing to have happened to Pakistan in recent times, far better than Pakistan beating India in India in Cricket.
“After all, for a restricted society like that of Pakistan, it is like a flower blooming in desert. And god willing, our actor achieved this feat without displaying any nudity on screen,” said Zakir Naik, a local Imam, who later conceded that he had not watched either the concerned movie or that movie, against which he had issued a fatwa last month.
On the other hand, the prominent strategist Zaid Hamid criticized the Oscar nomination and warned the citizens of Pakistan that it was a western ploy, a gimmick generated by God blessed Americans, chosen ones Jews, UK and the Hindu Zionists.
“They are trying to weaken us by luring our youth with such awards. But they won’t succeed because just like me, god is also great,” he said in an exclusive interview to his own TV show.
But barring Zaid Hamid, almost everyone has welcomed the news. Cricketer-turned-politician-cum-Indian-TV-guest Imran Khan demanded an immediate disclosure of the name of the movie and the actor who won such an appreciation for Pakistan.
“Since he is a non-state actor, we, as per our policy, do not officially know the name and the address of the said actor. However, we have issued couple of valid Pakistani passports to him to enable him to go and collect the prize in case he wins. And yes, we have definite information that he was NOT trained by MNTA (Mushafarri Nautanki & Tamasha Academy),” claimed Hina Rabbani Khar.
“He is a proud son of Pakistan. He acted in a movie called ‘Aman Ki Asha’ where he beheaded many enemies and kaafirs,” declared Hafiz Muhammad Saeed in a public rally, but the government of Pakistan denied that he had made any such statement.