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Australia denies racism, accuses Kangaroos of attacking Indians

06, Jan 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Melbourne, Australia. Australian authorities continue to come out with weird statements amid outrage in India over deadly attacks on the Indian students down under. Authorities have now claimed that the attacks were the handiwork of some kangaroos, and hence, not racial in nature. Authorities suspect that either one big burly Kangaroo or a group of rowdy Kangaroos were behind the attacks. They have also released picture of a suspect Kangaroo.

“Our stand has been vindicated. These attacks were not at all racial, as the paranoid Indian media have been suggesting. The attackers belong to a different species altogether. We will thoroughly investigate the issue and try to arrest these Kangaroos soon. I hope Indians will stop creating hysteria now.” Melbourne Police Chief Mr. Down Right Rood informed in a packed press conference.

The police and authorities had tough time explaining the rowdy-Kangaroo-theory as none of the victims had claimed that the attackers were of bestial appearance. Last year, one of the videos clearly showed a group of human looking Australians attacking an Indian in a train, but the authorities insist that the attackers were Kangaroos.

A Kangaroo preparing himself to attack Indians, according to Australian authorities
A Kangaroo preparing himself to attack Indian students, according to the Australian authorities

When asked why the Kangaroos were attacking Indians only, Mr. Rood said, “Indians are not new to being attacked by animals. It has happened in cities like Delhi and Mumbai. Did not a monkey called Monkeyman attack Indians a few years back? My research department informs me that Indians worship cows so that they don’t attack them at will. Indians must introspect why they are always at the receiving end. We will fully cooperate with the introspection.”

Faking News has learned that a few researchers had also suggested that the suspected attacker Kangaroo and the Monkeyman could be blood related. Researchers believe that the British government, which ruled over both India and Australia at one time, might have dumped the Kangaroo into Australia for being too criminal and violent, as was the norm in those days. But the authorities have chosen to ignore these findings.

While the claims of Melbourne police and authorities were dismissed by many Indians outrightly, some groups suggested that they should wait till the investigations were over before concluding anything. A few Indians have been petrified over the possibility of existence of self-transforming Kangaroos that transform into human beings before attacking Indians.

“This is crazy! The government must tell us how to differentiate between those who appear as human beings and those who are actually human beings in Australia.” Rahul Sheth, an Indian living in Australia expressed his concerns.

Although the ploy of the authorities to work around the racism charges might seem to be working, there is some bad news for them. Some groups a suspect a racial bias in the whole case as the authorities chose to point fingers at an aboriginal animal over other animals. Australian jails already have over representation of aborigines, and now an aborigine animal waits to join them.