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Al Qaeda and ISIS baffled as IT companies in India plan to hire their self motivated jihadis

27, Oct 2014 By The Silent Thinker

Bangalore. Recently al Qaeda revealed its plans to start operations in India and ISIS is also quite eager to occupy the Indian subcontinent and neighbouring countries and name it Khorasan.

People are calling this phenomenon
People are calling this phenomenon “IT Jihad”

These infamous terrorist organizations were aggressively hiring and training Jihadis, who were supposed to be sent to India to carry out the missions shortly. But a recent move by the IT companies in India has left them confused.

The IT companies in India, facing dire shortage of genuine talent, have extended an offer to the Jihadis to join their firms. Top brass of the leading IT firms have held a joint press meeting to explain this move and have pointed to following advantages of hiring jihadis: –

1. Jihadis are highly self-motivated and don’t need any other motivations in the form of compensation or other benefits.

2. They are literally driven by DO or DIE attitude. This will definitely boost company’s performance.

3. Possess great communication and public speaking skills. Most of these people are experienced in creating videos of sermons and beheadings independently and releasing them on internet.

4. They are the most loyal people available in the world and will work for the same organization till death. Have you ever heard of a jihadi joining ISIS from al Qaeda or vice versa? This is a very basic quality required, which all current IT employees lack.

5. They have non-existent social life and will not complain working on weekends and during festivals.

6. These people are most suitable for middle management. Their subordinates will be scared of beheading or torture, if they won’t deliver on time.

7. Above all, they never question the top management, no matter what; even if they need to pay the price for a wrong managerial decision at the top, with their lives.

Jihadis have also welcomed this move. Some have already surrendered and moved to India to pursue a career in IT.

We talked to one of the jihadis, Khatru Ram Al Bakar, who was a jihadi commander in ISIS in Syria and currently employed as a technical analyst in one of the leading IT firms in Bangalore.

We were wondering what made him to leave his position of commander in ISIS and join an IT firm in India.  He said he was frustrated with the fact that after all the bombings, homicides and beheadings by ISIS, there was no direct impact on America. At the end, he and his colleagues in ISIS always had to face American aggression and drone attacks.

Then he started to read about Indian IT industry.  He said he was amazed to know how the business of American firms suffers, due to a bug in the code.

“Nobody does it intentionally and most of the time it happens on its own due to poor planning, budget constraints or strict deadlines and still the American firms pay for it,” he pointed.

He observed these random events in IT have more impact on America compared to the violent movement initiated by ISIS as it hits it right on the backbone, its economy. He was enlightened and left his position in ISIS to join an IT firm and teach America a lesson.

“You guys are the ones who hit Amrika right in the bull’s eye dude and still they pay you for that, I wanted to be a part of it,” he said in his coarse Arabic accent.