Baghdad, Iraq. Soon after ISIS sympathizers were spotted waving the group’s flag in Kashmir valley and wearing t-shirts in Tamil Nadu, group chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi unveiled future PR exercises for his organization – getting the ISIS flag flying high on the Mount Everest and the Moon.
It’s a part of ISIS’ branding exercise to promote their newly created Caliphate as an established state through carrying out mainstream activities like sending mountaineers to climb Mt. Everest and starting their own space programs.
Requesting volunteers from across the world to help ISIS flags reach every corner of the world and universe, ISIS chief and Caliph of the Caliphate, Baghdadi, announced that his first target was to put the flag on the highest peak of the world.
“Couple of our brothers from the Kashmir are willing to risk their lives to put our flag on Everest,” revealed Baghdadi while addressing a press conference in Baghdad. He clarified that if the volunteers died due to extreme cold, they would still be recognized as martyrs and would get 72 virgins in heaven.
ISIS chief was all praises for his newest fans from Kashmir and Tamil Nadu. “They said that these were the ‘achchhe din‘ they had been waiting for. I don’t understand Hindi, but I realized that they believe in us and our organization,” an emotional Baghdadi disclosed.
“Friends from Kashmir are especially happy because driving out infidels, mainstreaming of separatists, and friends from Pakistan were not enough for them. They wanted more,” he added.
As per the plan designed by the ISIS think tank, if volunteers successfully climb up to the Himalayan peak, they will hoist the ISIS flag, click a selfie, and finally one of them will blow himself up.
“This way, we will become first organization to successfully climb and carry out suicide bombing on Everest,” explained ISIS spokesperson Abu Mohammad al-Adnani, “This will strengthen our image further and more and more faithfuls will join us.”
“The other guy will come back with photos and video footage of the whole process, and we will make it viral on social media,” al-Adnani showed the modern face of the radical organization.
ISIS’ long term plan includes a manned mission to the Moon as well. They plan to do it by 2025.
“There is a very elaborate plan, and that will be completed in multiple phases,” al-Adnani revealed, “In first phase, we will be inviting scientists to join us, and we are very optimistic that we will get such people who justify religious beliefs through scientific findings. But, in the worst case, if we fail to attract any, we will be kidnapping scientists and outsource the mission.”
Sources tell Faking News that ISIS’ plan is not merely to put their flag on the Moon, but to annex Moon in their existing Caliphate.
“Not only Moon, by 2050 we will be ruling over Pluto too. And if aliens try to interfere in our mission, they will be killed,” said another ISIS top rank official, “In fact, we will be killing them anyway, as aliens are non-believers.”