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Robot programmed to function as priest caught in sex scandal

28, May 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Bangalore. A robot programmed to function as priests at marriage ceremonies has been caught on hidden camera in a compromising position with a wedding planner, shocking millions of i-faithfuls worldwide. The shocking visuals were played repeatedly on a regional news channel here, which clearly showed the robot as I-Fairy, the latest product of Japanese company Kokoro, while the face of the wedding planner was blurred beyond recognition.

“Oh Jejus! I was so happy to have these e-pundits and metal-maulvis in our country, but never expected to see this day. My head hangs in shame.” Rakhi Sawant said, who according to this report, had booked an I-Fairy to solemnize her next two seasons of “Rakhi Ka Swayamvar”.

I-Fairy
I-Fairy, in non-controversial times

Although sex and marriages with robots were predicted more than thirty months back by an artificial intelligence researcher in the Netherlands, nobody, not even the script-writers of Terminator or Transformers, had thought that robots would get caught in a sex-scandal. But it happened in India.

And now this scandal is getting mired in all kinds of controversies.

“Can we really blame the robot here? We don’t yet know the moral standards of robots, so how can we term it as a scandal?” wondered a social scientist, alone.

The brand name of the Kokoro’s robot is becoming another controversy with Apple Inc. threatening to sue the Japanese company for using its trademark I-prefix to create a product.

“I-Pod, I-Pad, I-Phone; anyone can say that I-Fairy belongs to us. We’d get back the right to use this name and re-launch the robot with an I-Condom.” Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs told Faking News.

But the other controversial aspect, which is attracting maximum attention and participation back in India, is the debate over which function to blame for this shameful conduct of the robot. The debate is threatening to snowball into religious flashpoint as the particular robot was programmed to function as a pundit, pastor as well as maulvi.

“No doubt this foreign robot came with foreign sins. Catholic priests have long been caught in sex-scandals and this electronic father proved to be no different. Government shouldn’t have allowed this sinful machine to operate in India.” Swami Nithyananda, president of Rashtriya Pundit Sangh protested.

But Christian groups have protested the remarks by Nithyananda and have blamed the Hindu part of programming code for the sexual malfunction. “Hidden cameras are for Hindu swamis. This is not even a case of child-abuse.” argued one activist, categorically denying that the Christian part of the code could have been the trigger of this moral decadence.

Muslim groups too have threatened mass agitation if anyone attempted to blame the Islamic part of the programming code for the misdeeds of the robot. They cited a fatwa released by Deoband seventy years ago, and repeated seventy times by now, which barred non-males from taking up jobs (as maulvis).

“How does one determine the gender of the robot?” asked Maulana Tauheen Azahar, which could actually help settle the religious differences as the robot is widely believed to be male, and as per the latest reports, even the wedding planner could be a male human being.

“So it was a homosexual robot! That explains it!” said Maulana, drawing approving nods from fellow Hindu and Christian representatives.