New Delhi: Moving away from conventional warfare techniques, Indian government has decided to solve the problem of repeated ceasefire violations by Pakistani Army by planning to use different technology to paralyze them, which will strike and weaken them from inside like termites do to wood.
From now onwards, in response to any violation from the Pakistani side, India will throw boxes of smartphones with preloaded popular game Candy Crush Saga. Indian government is quite ensure that addiction of the gamewill force Pakistani soldiers to put down their guns.
Reacting to the question of Faking News reporter that Pak soldiers may start firing in frustration after losing number of lives in the game, a senior official of Defense Ministry said on conditions of anonymity, “We are also hiring people to accept Candy Crush Saga invitation from Pak soldiers. So that enemy does not take eyes away from mobile screens.”
He also said that India was planning to send RAW agents disguised as candy crush experts across line of control to give training to Pak soldiers.
“More they will win, more they will play. Let their asses rot while they play for hours,” the official shouted, frustrated from ceasefire violations.
According to the sources, Home Ministry has advised Army to recruit soldiers who can throw smartphones in order to avoid any harm to themselves from the lethal game.
“Our new weapon is more dangerous that chemical weapons and we should handle it carefully. It is easy to identify victims of chemical weapon at early stage but it’s very hard to do the same in later case. So keep our soldiers away from this and recruit people who usually throw things,” read a (no more) secret note from Home ministry to Defense Ministry.
After the news was broken by Faking News, government clarified that they will use cheap Chinese smartphones after accusation from opposition of wasting taxpayers’ money.
After the above clarification, some experts have raised concerns about possible government’s hand behind recent outages during online sales of Chinese company Xiaomi’s smartphones on Flipkart.