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India launches "Pracheen Nek Puraskar," an "Ancient Nobel Prize" for Ancient Indian Science

19, Jan 2015 By Salman Ravoof

New Delhi. Satisfied with ‘adulations’ and ‘gratulations’ received due to the recent edition of Indian Science Congress, the Indian government has now launched Pracheen Nek Puraskar, an award to recognize the brilliance of ancient Indian minds.

This new award is set to bring much needed recognition to ancient science and technology which has largely been ignored by western nations. The Pracheen Nek Puraskar will focus on the fusion of science and spirituality which was present in the  ancient India.

Harsh-Vardhan
“It’s time to rock the world”

“With this new award, we will remove all doubts about what’s real and unreal. There’s nothing to distinguish between mythology and science. When we’re finished with it, you won’t be able to distinguish between contributions considered genuine and things we think are also genuine. In five years India will be looked upon with new eyes,” lauded Dr. Harsh Vardhan, Minister of Science and Technology.

“Think of it as an ancient Nobel Prize, but with an Indian twist. It will be as rewarding as watching any award show here in the subcontinent,” announced Mr. Rajneeti Singh, who was once a Physics professor at a postgraduate college.

According to our sources, the first awards will be given to ancient technologies such as interplanetary aircrafts, inter-species organ transplantation, advanced radars based on animate and inanimate energies, astrology, ancient nuclear warheads and law of inter-penetration. Other advances of ancient Indian science will also come to light as and when modern scientists invent something new.

“We’ll know what exactly to look for then. We don’t want to hurry and invent something ourselves. Our ancient knowledge already contains the summation of everything that can ever be known,” replied Dr. Harsh Vardhan with strictness in his voice.

Since the original inventors and discoverers are largely forgotten, the award will be presented to whoever makes the first claim.

“I plan to pick up a few awards. The ministers should all have a couple of Puraskars too in due time, including the Prime Minister,” said Captain Bodas, a pilot trainee, jubilantly. He is currently heading the Pracheen Nek Puraskar public relations committee.

When asked whether making such unfounded claims goes against the spirit of science and scientific temper, the Minister of Science and Technology rubbished those concerns.

“We are not launching this award because we have an inferiority complex. India hasn’t produced a single Nobel Prize winner in science in the last 85 years. We’re in such a situation despite our advanced ancient knowledge. It’s time to show the world what we were capable of,” replied Dr. Harsh Vardhan.

Former Human Resources Development Minister Murli Manohar Joshi echoed the same sentiments.

“Our kids today are being taught history which is based only on scientific evidence and research. We want them to be taught beyond that. We want them to think like how we think. We want them to feel like how we feel. Making them think on their own is such a modern invention. That’s what western science does. Our ancient science as defined by us is much better.”

“Our ancestors from India invented almost everything. Almost everything except a means to record their vast knowledge. That was done deliberately though, since the lower classes were undeserving of the superior knowledge. It had to be passed down orally, and I understand their choice in doing so.”

Naturally, there was discontentment from some public figures too. Justice Markandey Katju, an ex-judge at the Supreme Court of India, wrote in his blog, “Humbug! These fools are making us a laughing stock. These ‘champions’ of Indian culture know little about Indian history or the real achievements made by our ancestors.”

Continuing with his rant, “The history of science and technology in the Indian subcontinent predates thousands of years. Mixing literature and science is a fool’s gambit. The world is going to only laugh at us now.”

His views were largely ignored, save for a few reports here and there covering his staunch criticism.

Speaking to our reporter, Sadhvi Niranjan Jyoti said, “My dreams have ultimately come true. India is on its path towards enlightenment now. We’re finally going to leave the era of haramzaade behind.”

The Pracheen Nek Puraskar is all set to take the world by surprise. It’s time the world finally took notice of India and its glorious achievements, whether real or imaginary.