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Dangerous comet observed moving away from earth after cement company launches ad-campaign

18, Apr 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

Dhaka: Bhutan Indigenous Space & Technology Research Organization (BISTRO) has claimed in a recent observational study that comet Magma 9O7x33 which was initially on collision course with earth has suddenly changed its trajectory.

BISTRO has released recent space captures of Magma which was earlier predicted to collide with planet earth in year 2021 but is now predicted to pass by our solar system harmlessly.

While astronomers are not yet clear on why this happened, new AI-based super-computers have linked this sudden change in comet’s trajectory to a recent advertisement campaign launched by Jandaar Cements Inc. a leading Indian cement company.

The comet that changed its direction.
The comet that changed its direction.

Daneesh Bagheria, chief research scientist at BISTRO explained these observations to media just after contents of this study were made public, “We have been tracking Magma 9O7x33 for around 7 years now. Our predictive models had earlier estimated a 99.9976% probability of a collision with earth. We were even working with NASA on an extensive program to build massive nuclear missiles to strategically hit the coment and deviate its path. But two days back during a routine observation we noticed sudden changes in the comet’s trajectory. We observed that now it had suddenly deviated from its path and was now moving in an entirely different direction. It was no longer on collision course with earth!”

He further continued, “To find out the reasons behind this sudden change we had our supercomputers try to connect this change to all possible events on earth. What we found out was quite shocking. This change in trajectory of the comet was observed just a few seconds after Jandaar Cements Inc. launched their new advertisement campaign on Indian national television. This advertisement clearly showed a fiery meteor with human like face colliding with a cement wall and breaking into pieces. The only explanation we have is that Magma is not a comet but is actually a space-ship being driven by some extra-terrestrial species. These species perhaps captured the radio waves from this advertisement within seconds of it’s airing on the TV. They sensed danger on earth and deviated their path away from earth. We don’t have any way to prove this theory, but one day we will.”

While BISTRO’s findings have invoked mixed reactions in the scientific community, Chief Marketing Officer for Jandaar cements, Jatinder Jagnani has actually welcomed BISTRO’s findings. In an official press release from CMO office, Jagnani made this statement, “We have always known that our robust cement coating can effectively keep out rains, sun-shine and to an extent even tornadoes and hurricanes. That is why our cement products are also exported to Vietnam, Indonesia and Russia.

“A while back one of our cement researchers had claimed that walls coated with our cement can resist a nuclear missile as well; but now when scientists say that even comets from outer space are afraid of us, that’s a news for us too. I think the whole world should be thankful to us and buy our cement bags in huge quantities now. Our cement is not cheap, it is the best,” Jagnani emphasized the last sentence in American accent.