Redmond, Washington, USA. In a surprise move, Microsoft Corporation today announced that the next version of Microsoft Office, which would be called ‘Microsoft Office Office’, will carry a cutting edge feature that will take AI (Artificial Intelligence) to the next level. In a glitzy press conference, an enthusiastic Steve Ballmer unveiled the “Reality Check” feature.
Ballmer in his introductory speech said, “After the astounding success of ‘Spell Check’, we had been secretly working on the next game changer. Our newly fired Windows Vista team had a lot of time on its hands and so they teamed up with leading Space Research organization JHANSA and several research institutes across the world and came up with – Reality Check – a plugin that performs a reality check on your data.”
The Reality Check feature allows a user to verify the ‘reality’ behind any data that he enters in Microsoft Office. In a few Alpha tests, the feature was used on some sample data and the results were astonishing to say the least.
When used on a latest IIPM ad, Reality Check checked the article for ‘realities’ and suggested alternate values. For a ranking table that showed IIPM ahead of 7 IIMs, it offered to either change the full form of IIM to ‘Imaginary Institute of Management’ or to replace Arindam Chaudhuri’s image with a duck. It also suggested the basic corrections like adding ‘conditions apply you moron’ or changing the title to ‘IIMs ahead of 7 IIPMs, What else did you expect?’
“It is almost like Gandhi 2.0, it gives you nothing but the truth,” says a CWG official, under clauses of anonymity. Reportedly, the Beta testers tried Reality Check on CWG presentations and spreadsheets and accurate details of expenditure were discovered.
“This was how the discrepancies in CWG expenditure were discovered,” maintains the anonymous official adding that one could follow him on Twitter at @CWG2010PR. He also revealed that Lalit Modi’s 20000 page document was reduced to a sheet of paper with ‘Loads of bullshit. IPL is my bitch’ when run through Reality Check (RC).
“I used RC on the love letter my hubby sent me”, says Pinki Batra, “it changed the recipient of the letter from my name to another name. Who needs Emotional Attyachar anymore? I can spy on my husband at home on my Microsoft PC,” Pinki exclaims in a teleshopping commercial voice.
A spokesperson from Microsoft reveals that an audio version of RC is also in the pipeline that will help you to find out the original Korean song by running it on a Pritam song or finding the actual age of a woman by using speech-to-text during a date. The possibilities are endless.
The Reality Check is already being dubbed as an “Apple killer” by experts (who, as usual, couldn’t explain how it would kill Apple) and as the next big thing in AI. It is also rumored that Dan Brown is already working on a novel involving RC, the Pope, The Vatican lavatories, and the-secret-organization-that-cannot-be-named.
We at Faking News tested RC on a pirated edition of Microsoft 2020 (code name for Microsoft Office Office) and found the feature fascinating. We ran RC on a test sentence – Lady Gaga is a man – and it converted the sentence into the (politically) correct sentence – Lady Gaga is not a lady.
We also ran RC on our entire database and surprisingly it didn’t change anything, which leads us to believe that all our news reports may turn out to be true in the future. The possibilities, like we say, are endless.
(written by a very lonely person called Tantanoo)