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After self-driving car, Google working on developing self-slapping mosquito

29, May 2014 By idiot420

California, USA. After working on developing a self-driving car, tech giant Google is now working on creating a self-slapping mosquito, which will slap itself to death the moment it bites a human being.

The latest innovation is in line with the company’s mission of helping human beings lead a simplified life, where they don’t have to invest much time or energy into taking mundane decisions and doing physical work.

Dr. Cosmo Kramer, a genetic scientist and a Google engineer who is heading the project, disclosed that the idea for the source code of a self-slapping mosquito came to his mind after learning about male honey bees, which die after mating for the first time.

mosquito
First and the last bite.

“But unlike the male bees, which most probably die out of ecstasy, self-slapping mosquitoes will die by slapping themselves out of guilt,” explained Dr. Kramer, “We have managed to do some genetic level changes that are going to change the way mosquitoes think and feel.”

“Yes, they do!” he added.

Dr. Kramer further revealed that while these genetic changes will fill mosquitoes with intense guilt when they suck blood of a human being, they will continue to suck bloods of animals with glee.

“This will make sure they survive. We don’t want to kill them all. After all our motto is Don’t be evil,” he explained.

The R&D team of Google confirmed to Faking News that initial results from their genetic coding of mosquitoes have been encouraging. In fact, some mosquitoes ended up being too sensitive and moral about hurting human being.

“Much more sensitive than human beings,” Dr. Kramer claimed.

The latest initiative and innovation from Google has received overwhelmingly positive response from people across the globe.

“I can’t express in words how thankful I am to Google,” said an Indian government official while ordering his subordinate to kill the mosquito sitting on his hand, “Our life is going to be so easier! Hope they also work on a self-swatting housefly.”

However, few sociologists are worried about long term impact of on human-mosquito relationship due to such developments.

“This might degenerate into evil practice of untouchability. Initially the mosquitoes will slap themselves out of guilt, but soon it will become ingrained in their psyche. Few generations down the line, they will even avoid to touch human beings,” famous sociologist Aniruddh Mishra expressed his deepest fear about how modern technology was evil.

Meanwhile, buoyed by appreciation they are getting for their futuristic projects, Google’s R&D team has announced their next project – to create a super strong mosquito capable of flying while holding a human being.

“This is going to make our lives much easier, as we won’t have to waste energy and strain our legs for covering daily distances to routine destinations,” said a member of Google’s research team.