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Usain Bolt fails to catch Mumbai local at Dadar

16, Aug 2013 By indianpsycho

Mumbai. All his world records apart, Usain Bolt, a Jamaican sprinter widely regarded as the fastest person on earth, today failed to catch a local train at the overcrowded Dadar Station. He was on a Mumbai visit for few days as a part of a promotional event.

Unconfirmed sources say that before he left for Mumbai, he was challenged by his jealous rivals to repeat his feats in the financial capital of India if he was so confident about his physical abilities.

On-pushers Onlookers confirm that Usain reportedly made 186 attempts to board a train.

Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt in action.

He started with fast locals bound for Churchgate, but was pushed back 100 meters in 9.77 seconds – becoming the first athlete to hold a world record running forward and backwards. His achievements ended there.

Having given up on fast local, he switched to slow ones bound for Andheri but was pushed back again. The closest he came to boarding one was when he inadvertently jumped into the usually less crowded ladies’ compartment thinking he had done it, but was immediately beaten, kicked and thrown out by a group of women. The same set of women were on an earlier occasion responsible for kicking Falguni Pathak out of their bogey when she tried to enter it.

An extremely embarrassed and injured Usain later gave up and thanked his stars that Mumbai residents were so busy with their daily lives that no one of them thought of becoming athletes.

“Man, everyone at Dadar station is capable of fetching you guys a medal. I am absolutely nobody in front of them,” accepted Bolt.

“These guys are not only quick, they value time. They jump from a running train which is anyway going to halt in the next few seconds,” the winner of 6 Olympic gold medals hailed the Mumbai Spirit.

Mumbai Railway Vikas Corporation (MRVC) has expressed happiness over the development and has promised to keep Dadar station as challenging as ever.

“We don’t mind even if IOC continues to ignore India as a potential venue for another 100 years. We have been as it having every possible sport in Olympics right here at Dadar Station every day,” an MRVC spokesperson told Faking News.

Sources say that Usain has surrendered all his titles, medals etc. and is now religiously practicing daily at Shivaji Park to fulfill his ambition of successfully boarding a train at Dadar.