Monday, 23rd April, 2018

Snippets

Mumbai guy wins gold in jumping to conclusions; jumps to conclusions in a record breaking 0.9 seconds

11, Jan 2018 By Akash Vadera

Mumbai-based Pawan Kumar has achieved what many of us strive to achieve but due to our lack of determination and perseverance, we don’t or we’re not able to.

Reportedly, Pawan has won a gold medal in jumping to conclusions and he achieved this by jumping to conclusions in a record breaking 0.9 seconds.

We got hold of Pawan after his felicitation ceremony in his society. He said, “You guys didn’t clap when I was being felicitated so obviously you don’t like me.”

After hearing this, we got a glimpse of him being live in action. He continued, “Not always did I have this skill in me. I realized that I am good at jumping to conclusions during my engineering. When someone used to take notes in class, I deduced that he’s a nerd. When some guy used to attend all lectures, I deduced that he liked some girl and he attended the lectures only for her. When lecturer used to say ‘I will get back to you on this’ I deduced that the question is out of his pay scale; and when a friend used to say ‘Bhai sutta pila de. Kal de dunga paise(Buy a cigarette for me. I’ll pay you tomorrow), I used to deduce that I’m not going to see him for 3 months. Just to let you know, I was always right about the last one.”

“So 2 weeks ago, my mom told me that my cousin Himanshu Gupta has finally decided to go for arranged marriage, I concluded that now he’s too desperate for sex. When I attended his wedding last week, I saw most of the relatives wandering around the food counter like bees wander around flowers. I deduced that they gave exactly Rs. 101 to the couple and were only at the wedding for eating more than Rs. 1000 worth of free food. After I jumped to this conclusion, I was awarded a gold medal by The Institution of Fake Awards and Recognition (IFAR) since I had jumped to that conclusion in a record breaking 0.9 seconds,” he added.

We got a final glimpse of his action when he saw our crew while we were packing up and he said “Since you’re here interviewing me, you must be not been getting other important news or celebrities to cover.”