Sunday, 17th December, 2017

Snippets

Lalit Modi had laughed hysterically after declaring Champions League open

10, Oct 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

Bangalore. Faking News has learnt that IPL commissioner and chairman of the Champions League Twenty20’s governing council Lalit Modi had quietly gone back to his room and had a hysterical laugh after he declared the Champions League open this Thursday. Modi was apparently rolling on his bed in his five-star suite as he remembered the last couple of years since he broke into the international scene with IPL auctions of cricketers.

“Fuck man! I actually made people buy and sell cricketers, and it was not for any fantasy league with virtual money! Real money and real players for real games! Who could have done that?” Modi said to himself excitedly as he lay face down on his bed. Then he screamed “woohoo” and threw the pillows upwards and punched the bed five times with his right fist before the pillows fell down back on the bed.

Modi then turned back and lay with his face facing the ceiling, and then suddenly burst into hysterical bouts of laughter, with his left hand on his belly and his legs fidgeting in the air as he recalled the bygone days, sources say.

Lalit Modi laughing in his hotel room
Lalit Modi laughing in his hotel room

It should be recalled that although Lalit Modi was a rich businessman and Vice President of BCCI since 2005, nobody really knew anything about him until IPL happened. He was so unknown that in one of the invites for briefing that went to the press, his name was misspelled. But things changed rapidly as cricketers got sold. Lalit Modi got a Wikipedia article against his name in 2008.

“A Wikipedia article! Man, there was a time when I used to pay those PR guys and journos to get my name mentioned in some news articles, and look what it is now. They ask for appointments to conduct my interviews, and I tell them to contact my secretary. This is fucking awesome!” Modi said to himself as he shook his head vigorously lying on his bed.

Modi had just returned to his room after delivering a lecture and pronouncing Champions League open and various journalists were waiting outside to know his opinion on how CL would change the face of international cricket. He wondered if some journalist would address him as “Father of Twenty20 Cricket” in his article. He wished. He sighed.

Modi then took out his iPhone from his pocket and sent an SMS, “Dude, want to buy a team in IPL3?”

Sources say that the SMS was sent to Chairman of Zee Group Subhash Chandra, who had originally tried to take Twenty20 to the international scene and in club mode with his Indian Cricket League (ICL), but failed miserably. A few people believe that ICL failed because BCCI and Lalit Modi constrained them unfairly and monopolized the cricket market in India, but Lalit Modi didn’t think so.

“Poor guy! He should have known that Indians like desi versions of foreign stuffs. When Star Plus ran a licensed version of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ by airing Kaun Banega Crorepati, his channel Zee TV tried an original format in Sawaal Dus Crore Ka, and he failed. He didn’t learn his lessons, but I learnt from his mistakes. I simply copied the club format of football leagues without caring for some original format. And guess what, I didn’t even have to pay any license money like those reality show guys. Fuckinel!” Modi thought to himself as the SMS was delivered.

Subhash Chandra apparently didn’t reply to the SMS, but that didn’t stop Modi from keep on rolling and turning into his bed as he smiled ears to ears, while people outside cheered as a team called Cape Cobras slugged it out with another team called Royal Challengers Bangalore.

“Oh shit!” Lalit Modi suddenly got up and squatted on his bed, as if he suddenly recalled something very important. “Man, how can I forget Mandira Bedi and Shilpa Shetty getting cozy with me? Fuck fuck fuck!” Modi grabbed the pillows, shoved his face between them and fell back on the bed with a loud scream.

People were also screaming outside as some unknown player of Cabe Cobras was hit for a six.