London, UK. This is not the first time when Indian celebrities have been discriminated at International Airports based on the color of their skin or their surnames. The latest to join the list is IPL commissioner Lalit Modi. While travelling to UK to meet ECB to decide the future prospects of IPL, Modi was stopped at the Heathrow airport because the airport security had leads that a certain Modi was responsible for rioting in Gujarat in 2002.
Lalit Modi clarified that he was being confused with Narendra Modi, who is denied a visa in normal cases, let alone being allowed to travel abroad. The airport security was not convinced and asked Lalit to step aside for further questioning. Modi was visibly upset with what came out as racial discrimination based on the color of skin and as well as surname, a double blow for him, but he decided to cooperate with the officials.
The questioning went on for 4 hours, which beat the previous best of 3 hours, a record set by Shah Rukh Khan. Lalit was also asked to undress just to check if he was carrying any weapons. Commendably, Lalit maintained his composure throughout this humiliating experience.
Faking News has exclusive access to the transcript of the entire questioning session. With permission from the Airport authorities, we are reproducing certain sections of the transcript between Airport Security (AS) and IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi (LM), apart from the images.
AS: WTF! Why do you have these tattoos on your body??
LM: These are my professional commitments. IPL3 attracted many sponsors and the list kept growing each day. It was difficult for me to keep a track of each and every sponsor so I tattooed their logos. I have a short term memory loss problem, so much so that I used to forget about a test match even before it entered its second day. That’s why I like T20 cricket.
AS: What’s with the blue colored underwear?
LM: This is a new brand of underwear called Spinners, which Shane Warne has designed. It was gifted to me by his Rajasthan Royals team. They actually wanted to gift me a turban, but Shane thought a thong could suit me better. I joked to Shane that now they could call themselves RajasThong Royals, and Shilpa had a hearty laugh at that.
AS: Shilpa who? That girl who was cried like a baby in Celebrity Big Brother UK?
LM: Yeah, she has come a long way since then. She doesn’t cry now, even when her team loses. She owns that team I was talking about.
AS: What team? What are you working on dude? Can you explain why these tattoos and underwear could not be some coded stuff for terrorists?
LM: That’s ridiculous. You have to understand that I represent an organization called Indian Premier League that is like your English Premier League, although for cricket and not football. I don’t work for any terrorist organization.
AS: Oh ho, but we don’t call it English Premier League anymore. It’s just Barclays Premier League. So are you planning to drop “Indian” from the name too and replace it with one of those logos?
LM: Now you seem to be getting my point. (smiles)
AS: hmmm… but what makes you visit UK?
LM: I have come to meet guys from your Cricket Board to find out if we can host IPL in UK. But I also intend to meet guys from Barclays Premier League to understand how they dealt with the court cases accusing them of cartel when they signed broadcasting deals with television channels. This year some news channels had made a fuss but finally they agreed. Next year they may move to court, so I thought I should be prepared for any such eventuality.
AS: Smart guy. I guess we’d let you go, but would you make a fuss of it like that Khan guy, who we heard went out to make a movie on this too.
LM: No, no. I won’t make any fuss. I told you that I suffer from short term memory loss, so I’d anyway forget about it soon. And yeah, that Khan guy too owns a team.
AS: Gosh, you Indians are crazy. Anyway, you are free to move. Thanks.
LM: Thanks. But can I call it a “Citi Moment of Success” for myself?
AS: Whatever dude!