Cardiff, UK. After being startled by losing to India in the second one-day match, English captain Alastair Cook said in a press conference that his team had been instructed to watch Hindi movies to come up with a girlfriend for Suresh Raina.
“The strategy is that there is no strategy. We didn’t need a strategy to win against the performance of team India under overseas conditions,” Cook clarified.
“We were made to appear like a legendary team automatically. It was India who played that way. Nothing needed to be done. But one innings from Suresh Raina has opened our eyes. We tried the short ball but it didn’t work against him. We realized that we are an ordinary bowling attack, and our strategies won’t work unless Indian batsmen had girlfriends,” he explained.
The ECB spokesperson spoke to the media and declared that practice sessions for the England team had been called off, and the movie tickets would be funded by the board. Showing a proactive approach, the board said that a spreadsheet with the names of Bollywood actresses with ordinary acting skills had already been created, and the tickets had been booked in advance.
The spokesperson also announced that the ECB has decided to sponsor all future tours of the girlfriends and wives of Indian batsmen visiting England.
“It is disturbing to see the BCCI put a ‘ban’ on tagging along girlfriends and limiting the time wives spent on foreign tours. Our team sees this as very unsporting, especially because this is the only thing that helped English cricket in decades. The board has decided to fund their stay and travel costs. It also would be bearing all expenses related to acquiring a girlfriend in case an Indian cricketer did not have one yet,” he confirmed.
Reacting to the ECB’s decision, Indian skipper MS Dhoni clarified that Fletcher, and not his wife, was the ‘boss’. He fled when asked to comment on the performance of Virat Kohli and his preparations for the world cup.
Meanwhile, Ravi Shastri as the new director has written a letter to the ECB asking if the decision of the board included him as well.