Wellington, New Zealand. Indian skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni, who is known as a positive thinking person, is having a tough time in maintaining cool and calm composure after Team India’s another disastrous performance overseas.
In order to maintain his record of positive thinking, he has decided to take help of Congress spokespersons, who are widely recognized as the masters of the domain, capable of finding positive points even in disasters such as 1984 pogrom, corruption, electoral defeats, and Rahul Gandhi’s interview to Arnab Goswami.
“We realized that Indian team’s performance in the 5 One Day Internationals against New Zealand was similar to Congress’ recent performance in assembly elections of 5 states. They were defeated in 4 states and got a consolation victory in the fifth, and we got bashed din 4 ODIs and could tie one to save some grace,” a Team India official explained.
Struggling to justify this performance, team management advised Dhoni to consult Congress spokespersons who have been justifying everything in the past few weeks. Dhoni, initially reluctant, later agreed to take this route after he saw Rohit Sharma doing high five with Ishant Sharma in hotel lobby.
“Desperate times need desperate measures,” Dhoni justified his decision to take help of politicians.
Sources tell Faking News that Congress spokesperson have sent various suggestions to the Indian captain on how he could justify the team performance and claim that there were many positive developments.
“He had been his excellent self barring a few trajectorial misalignment of the willow with the cork, engendered by unfamiliar terrain that sometimes resulted in minuscule accomplishment deficit, but the southpaw will prevail.” – this sentence was suggested by Manish Tewari when a reporter asks about Suresh Raina’s problems with short pitch balls on bouncy tracks.
Apart from such responses, Dhoni was also asked to watch Rahul Gandhi’s interview with Arnab Goswami and Congress spokespersons’ response to that.
“He will feel inspired to defend the performance,” a Congress spokesperson explained the need.
“Why concede that you played badly when you can say things like – The most powerful attribute of a player is being trustworthy! And I am glad that all of our players scored a 10/10 on that count. Be it Raina, Rohit, or Ishant, all maintained the same form throughout the series and performed as expected – simple, isn’t it?” Congress spokesperson Sanjay Jha is reported to have advised Dhoni.
It’s to be seen if Dhoni acts upon these suggestions or he waits for the test matches to get over before resorting to these.