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Dhoni and De Villiers declare supremacy for team manifestos over actual cricket

04, Oct 2015 By Mishtik Journo

Patna: “We should be declared winners as our manifesto talks about Rayudu scoring 5 double hundreds, every bowler taking 6 wickets in each innings and our team hitting 108 sixes during the series”, demanded Virat Kohli at a rally of Cricket fans here today.

Dhoni is all smiles at a press conference over the manifesto
Dhoni is all smiles at a press conference over the manifesto

This came after Dhoni and De Villiers held a press conference and passed a joint resolution  that the winner of the series shall be declared based on contents of the team manifestos and popular public support rather than actual performance on the field.

“In last series Dhoni promised 16 centuries but his batsmen could muster  only two. Now we promise that Duminy alone will hit ten centuries in the series and I will take 20 catches,” screamed rival captain De Villiers at a press conference at Darbhanga while releasing his team’s vision document.

Raina reacted almost instantaneously from Muzaffarpur. “We shall complain to the ICC as offering cold drinks is against code of conduct of the ICC”, he said.

However, Faking News is privy to reports coming from Champaran about a domestic player distributing cash to gather public support.

Meanwhile, delving on the now in vogue development agenda Indian chief coach has promised to build five cricket stadia in each district of Bihar exclusively for international matches to be held each year.

At Gaya, Dale Steyn has alleged that Indians are practicing parivarvad by including Stuart Binny in the team. He appealed to the minorities not to support Dhoni’s team, “We have Farhaan and Hashim Amla in our team while they have only one member from the minority community, that too Stuart Binny,” he said.

Based on spectator opinion a popular news channel concluded that South Africa will not score more than 125 runs in any of their innings and that India will win the series 4-1.

“We shall go to the match venue on the morning of the match and complete the ritual of playing”, confided a key player to his friend when asked about playing the actual match. “Holding spectators rallies and media conferences is far more important to garner public support and be a winner rather than play actual Cricket,” he added

“These teams are not even doing net practice leave alone play practice matches,” said Bipin Khandelwal, an avid follower of Cricket and Faking News commented from California.

“The off field drama is more enjoyable than the  teams poor on field Cricketing performance,” he added.