Wednesday, 13th December, 2017

Snippets

Delhi boy who never played or followed football, heartbroken by Messi's retirement

27, Jun 2016 By Pagla Ghoda

New Delhi: Rohit Solanki, a 2nd year B.Tech student from Pitampura has gone in a state of deep depression ever since he heard about Lionel Messi’s retirement from the world of International football. This, however, is a shocker to his friends because as per them, Rohit is a die hard Virat Kohli fan and has never ever followed football or even played the game.

Messi crying
Rohit was crying like Messi in this pic

Rohit has apparently shut himself in his room and has not been taking any food or water since the news about Messi broke out. He has been constantly updating his Facebook timeline with sad posts and crying pics of Messi, tagging several people from his friends list.

Ramona Malik, who is Rohit’s ex-girlfriend rubbished his claim to love Messi and said, “Rohit Solanki is a big time show off who knows jackshit about any sport except Cricket. He is a diehard cricket fan and does not give a rat’s ass to any other sport. He just wants to show off to girls in his college that he is that cool guy that follows only football. Last year, he was caught saying to his friends that he prefers Arsenal to Liverpool because Nadal plays for Arsenal. Two months back, he even removed Virat Kohli’s poster from his room and put a Messi poster on the wall. He then wrote on it, Love you Ronaldo, you are the boss.”

Paramjeet Pammi who is class-mate and a close buddy of Rohit came to his support and said, “Oye yaar ladki ka chakkar hai ye sab. Actually Komal Kambojia is 1st year student whom Rohit has been trying to pataofy for last few months. This chick loves football and is looking for a boyfriend who can understand her, and her love for the game. Since then, Rohit has bought 13 Football club t-shirts, 5 Nike sports shoes and 3 video CD of best football matches ever, all to impress her. He even changed his laptop wallpaper to put famous football players’ wallpapers. He doesn’t even know who Messi is and which country or club he plays for. He is just putting up this sadness drama to further impress Komal. If Messi finally doesn’t decide to make a comeback, Komal will for sure cry for days. Rohit will be there to lend a crying shoulder, you know what I mean.”

As per Paramjeet, Rohit now plans to take this drama a step further. He plans to douse himself with kerosene, just outside gates of city’s Badminton Academy to protest Messi’s retirement. He will then start to frantically rub the matchstick on matchbox and Pammi will engage in a fake fight with him to prevent him from self-immolation. Komal (who will be tipped off by an anonymous SMS from Pammi) will reach the scene and is expected to convince Rohit not to end his life, at which point Rohit will propose her.

Rohit’s ex Ramona however has other plans and was also seen walking towards the badminton academy with a cigarette-lighter in her hand.