Sunday, 24th September, 2017

Snippets

Children born after Wankhede test to be given “Tendulkar allowance”

14, Nov 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Realizing that it might be pretty difficult to grow up in an era without Sachin Tendulkar representing India, the government has decided to give “Tendulkar allowance” to children born after the Wankhede test – the last test match of Sachin’s career.

“Tendulkar inspired an entire generation to become achievers at international level. He glittered while India had to mortgage its gold. He represented a new India,” a government official said.

Sachin Tendulkar
“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…”

“Now they say we are back to 90s. These are difficult times. With Tendulkar no more playing, whom will the new generation look up to? They clearly will be disadvantaged vis a vis the older generations,” the official explained the need to “compensate” children born in post-Tendulkar era.

Government concedes that the current cricket team has many talented cricketers but none of them can have the same impact like Sachin had in 90s.

“Sachin was like a solitary solitaire on your ring finger. Not the same as having a diamond ring on every finger,” the official bravely used a metaphor and an analogy, which was not found controversial and objectionable by any activist group till reports last came in.

Convinced that it won’t be the same to grow up without Sachin in action, the government has announced “Tendulkar allowance” that will make every child born on or after 19th November 2013 eligible for a monthly stipend of 200 rupees.

“200 represents the 200 test matches,” the official explained, “Also, Planning Commission undertook an extensive study and concluded that 200 rupees per month was enough to pull up people above the Tendulkar line.”

When Faking News asked if this was not a mockery to quantify Sachin’s impact to just 200 rupees per month, the government official told us not to rake up an unnecessary controversy.

“World class economists and experts have come up with this Tendulkar line. What do you know about economics and cricket?” the official threw a poser to this reporter, who had no answer.

Under the new scheme, parents will need to enlist their newborn kids with the Sports Ministry to get this benefit. As a goodwill gesture, even kids of illegal Bangladeshi immigrants would come under the new scheme as Sachin scored his 100th international century against Bangladesh.

As expected, the announcement by the government has been opposed by the opposition parties who feel this is a violation of model code of conduct.

“This is just another ploy by Congress to use Sachin’s popularity to impress people and get votes from Indians as well as Bangladeshis,” a BJP leader protested, “What next? They will bring Right to Tendulkar bill? This will have no real impact. Instead, BJP promises to build Sachin temples so that people can get inspired even after he has retired.”

While political parties were fighting over Sachin’s legacy, Tendulkar fans have welcomed the concept of “Tendulkar allowance”.

“But we need it more than the yet-to-be-born kids,” Rahul, a 33-year-old executive told Faking News, “They should give 5000 rupees to everyone born in 80s so that we can buy some Old Monk and deal with this in the coming weeks.”