Tuesday, 19th September, 2017

Snippets

After successful tour, Zimbabwe declares Pakistan safest country, PCB announces ODI series with Mongolia and Uganda

10, Jun 2015 By psych0bar0n

Lahore: In a major breakthrough, the Pakistan Cricket Board has announced that Mongolian cricket team and upcoming tigers Uganda would tour Pakistan for a ‘one match triangular ODI series.

PCB spokesman Kameez Raja declared that Zimbabwe had proved that Pakistan was absolutely safe for teams, apart from a very minor incident in which a few people were blown up outside a stadium. He thanked Zimbabwe saying, “we were so desperate that we were even considering declaring Rawalpindi a separate country and get them to tour us to prove that Pakistan is safe.”

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They are not security guards, that’s the Mongolian cricket team in Pakistan.

Pakistan had been trying to host its own matches after UAE refused them access to Sharjah ground after discovering that some players had forged papers and claimed ownership of the stadium and were even selling 30 x 40 plots to unsuspecting sheikhs.

Zimbabwe coach and ex-player Beef Steak said that the Zimbabwe team was very satisfied with the tour results, mainly because this was the first time they had been paid their wages in the last 13 years. They said the entire tour was peaceful, although there was one incident when their batsmen  had to run for shelter after hearing a huge commotion and screams of ‘Maaro pencho ko’, but it turned out to be Pakistan players who were following their usual drill of beating each other up while performing the team huddle.

Sri Lankan observer Chaminda Baas also congratulated the PCB for the awesome safety measures. “Here in Pakistan, the pitch curator’s main job is to check the pitch for any hidden landmines,what efficiency, I felt so safe”, said Mr. Baas. However on being asked why he was traveling around in an iron-cage and wearing kevlar vest and underwear, he walked out of the press meet.

As soon as the announcement was made, various reactions started coming in from parts of the globe. Pakistani hardliner Bakruddin Kababi has declared jehad on the Mongolian XI saying this will give Pakistan an opportunity to take revenge on the Mongolians for the serious thumping Mongol warlord Ghengiz Khan had given Pakistan centuries ago. Cricket Mongolia said that their captain Run’gez Khan had gone to raid his neighbor’s goats and would give a befitting reply if he came back alive.

Ex-Pakistani president Pervert Musharraf said that Pakistani players should follow his Kargil strategy by wearing Zimbabwean jerseys and occupying their dressing rooms when they were out for lunch. The English board however has refuted Pakistan’s claims and passed a resolution refusing to play in Pakistan for the next 200 years. Rumors also say that the ISIS had approached the PCB  on hearing about a chance to participate in an explosive T20 series but the PCB refused after learning that the ISIS wanted to use grenades instead of leather balls.

Undeterred by all the attention, the PCB has already invited the Papua New Guinea Under-17 team to play a series next month, Shahid Afridi has been announced captain of the Pakistani U-17 team. They were also trying to procure neutral umpires from China who would last for one series.