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Snippets

Student in 'beef-69' scandal for eating beef while watching 50 shades of grey

07, Mar 2015 By johnrj

Mumbai. In one of the most heinous crimes to occur over the past year, a teenager who was found guilty of watching 50 shades of grey and eating beef caused uproar throughout the nation demanding heavy punishment.

“He has committed two unforgivable crimes and deserves to be hung,” said Arun, an anti beef activist, “Imagine the pain the cow must have gone through. Pork would have been ok since they have enough fat to bear pain.”

Deepak Kumar, an IIM-A student, had posted a regular picture of him watching a downloaded version of 50 shades of grey while eating beef kurma in Facebook which was immediately caught by sensitive individuals who got offended by it. The picture was immediately requested by the censor board to be taken down citing the highly sensitive problems present in it. The crimes come as a shock considering the heavy implications given against citizens eating beef and watching banned movies.

The movie that can get you in trouble!
The movie that can get you in trouble!

“This is unacceptable. Until he gets a death penalty, I will not eat biryani here as I will be ashamed to relax when an anti nationalist like him is still in the country,” said Kunal, a serial rapist in Tihar jail, “I hope the government will take action against such people.”

The government has allocated 15 crores to make sure the picture with Deepak eating beef and watching 50 shades of grey, now known as the beef-69 scandal pic, is completely eradicated from the public to avoid sentiments being hurt. A rally to force the government to lash out the highest punishment to the individual was organized by sections of chicken, mutton and pork meat supporters. Further evidence upon investigation also revealed that the convict was eating vada pav near the stadium on the day when the AIB knockout occured which further proves that his presence is against Indian culture. An astrologer from Bihar has also suggested that there is a flaw in his horoscope which will prevent India from eliminating poverty and also cause potato prices to increase. Visionaries from all over the country have put hashtags in opposition to the convict saying #BeefKurmaBadKarma to gather support to punish the individual.

“I can’t believe people are watching the 50 shades of grey movie. If I wanted to watch a movie about paintings and love stories, I would have seen Dhobi Ghat,” said Karan who did not have much idea about the movie, “I will still oppose anyone who doesn’t obey our rational government’s decisions”

After days of revolts, Deepak has finally given a statement that he will not eat beef or even the foods that cows eat and will not even see Sunny Leone’s Bollywood movies anymore. Judgement has yet to be given for the individual in question and more news will be released soon.