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Snippets

State Transport Buses to Hire Assistant Drivers for Swearing at Traffic

10, Aug 2015 By electroman

New Delhi: In an attempt to create new jobs in the Government sector, the State Transport Corporations all over India have decided to hire an Assistant Driver for swearing cuss words at the traffic.

Bus services to get better or worse?
Bus services to get better or worse?

The jobs are being created under the new government scheme called ‘Pradhan Mantri Tere Baap ka Road Hai Kya’ Yojana. When the announcement was made, Gujjars were already agitating nearby in a railway track asking for quota in the jobs. This will be the answer to the century old question, ‘If Planes and Trains can have two drivers, why not in a bus?’

The Job responsibilities of the Assistant Driver will be as follows.

  • Swearing at oncoming vehicles if they are too fast or for wrong overtaking
  • Swearing at lorry drivers while overtaking, since it is difficult for the driver to shout legible bad words to the other driver
  • He should note down the phone number listed behind the vehicle under ‘How am I driving’ and call and swear at them too.
  • Swearing at old people driving in the front in Maruti 800 while talking on the phone.
  • Adjusting the rear view mirror so the driver can have a good look at the girls inside the bus.
  • Fighting with unruly passengers who heckle the conductor for not giving proper change.
  • Hold the steering wheel when the driver gets a call on his mobile, or wants to pull up his collar or is having a drink of water.
  • Keep changing the FM station to annoy the passengers
  • Play really old songs to push the passengers to the brink of suicide
  • Should safeguard the first aid box which either does not have any medicines or was not opened for the past 40 years.
  • Steal and sell diesel in black market
  • Try to crush people with the pneumatic doors

Basic Qualification:

  • Any certificate in Karate, Judo or Kung Fu
  • Should have a good vocabulary of cuss words in local language and English (for swearing at IT guys)
  • Must be married
  • Must have at least a couple of cases against him in the local police station