Tuesday, 26th September, 2017

Snippets

Renovation of jails found to be the prime reason for recent bail grants and acquittals

12, May 2015 By Beer & Biryani

New Delhi. In what appears to be the prime reason for bail grants and acquittals of high profile celebrities at lightening speeds, reliable sources have blamed the ongoing All India Jail Renovation(AIJR) program.

According to the sources, there was a strict court order asking the jail authorities not to accept any fresh inmates and that, special arrangements would be made to take care of new joinee convicts to temporarily keep them away from jail through a bail or a simple acquittal, owing to lack of space.

“Renovation sign used across prisons of the country.”

It won’t be long before the new convicts would occupy state-of-the-art prisons with free WiFi, a privilege which law abiders don’t enjoy yet. Faking News reporters spoke to the likes of Salman, Jaya and Raju who’ve been victimized as part of AIJR and consequently, kept out of jail.

“I got a bail faster than any one could get garam vada-pav on streets of Mumbai. Sanju baba has been waiting for me inside but alas, I’m unable to make it. To hell with AIJR! Actually, I would have been perfectly OK with sub-standard facilities,” said a revolting Salman who wanted to be in at any cost.

Jaya was standing along with her devotees when she said, “I was totally disappointed when I heard that I was acquitted. Probably, I’m so much used to appealing that acquittal doesn’t give me that contentment. Irrespective of court’s judgement, I hope to continue appealing from inside as soon as the renovation is done.”

Raju was so angry with his acquittal that he threw away our mike and refused to speak to us.

Sources say peace will be restored among the accused and the acquitted only once AIJR program is complete and they’re back together in the prison.