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Railways to delay trains indefinitely to fool waiting dacoits

11, Aug 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Patna. Eastern Railways has decided to completely screw up the time table of all the trains passing through Bihar and Bengal to fool dacoits and Maoists waiting in ambush. The decision was taken after two train robberies happened in quick succession in Bihar where armed dacoits looted helpless railway passengers at gun point. Passengers have been advised not to incorporate any train journeys while planning their time-bound engagements.

“With assembly elections round the corner in both the states, we fear train robberies to go up as it could be one of the means of election funding.” a senior staff of Indian Railways told Faking News on conditions of anonymity, hinting at political connections of Maoists and robbers and possible patronage enjoyed by them.

Indian Train
A lot of people travel by Indian Railways daily, making them a lucrative target for the robbers

After various rounds of emergency meetings, which were finally held after three days of multi-directional memo submissions between several sub-departments of the Railways, the officials concluded that the only way to counter the waiting dacoits and Maoists was to avoid them.

“We thought that if we could frustrate them by keeping them waiting in abeyance, they might start looking for targets other than Railways. Same ways as opposition bowlers start targeting batsmen other than Rahul Dravid when he keeps them waiting by blocking their deliveries.” said the chief strategist of Railways, reflecting the somber and serious mood of the discussion and graveness of the problem.

As a result, all the trains, whether carrying commercial goods or human beings, would be running indefinitely late on routes running through Bihar and Bengal with immediate effect, and no one would be able to know or track their movement. Websites like trainenquiry.com and SMS services informing the current status of train movement would be suspended until after the elections in both the states are over.

While the decision is bound to cause a lot of inconvenience to the common man, many people have breathed a sigh of relief at the possibility of reaching their destination with themselves and their belongings in one piece.

But as always, the issue of fund raising for elections has been swept under the carpet.