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Politics de-addiction centers set up across the country to help people get back to life

28, May 2014 By Prateek Shah

New Delhi. In one of the first major decisions of the government, it has been decided to set up de-addiction centers across the country for everybody who had become obsessed with politics over the past few months.

Experts tell Faking News that lives of people had got completely changed while run up to the general elections earlier this year, and now they are having withdrawal symptoms.

Patients of political addiction
Patients of political addiction

“My husband got married to me, but I later found out that there was another person in his life. This Arnab Goswami on TV has wrecked havoc in my marital life; instead of spending time with me after office hours, my hubby gets glued to the TV screen and doesn’t move till those three pointless debates are over. I have registered at the ‘Politics Anonymous’ center and hope I will get my hubby back,” complains newly wed Anjali Sharma (name changed on request and will not be revealed even if the entire nation wanted to know).

A software engineer Prakash Mathur (name not changed as it didn’t matter) says, “It all started with me using political jargon in everyday conversations. Like, during lunch time I asked a colleague to give external support to my plate till I win a table with big margin. Or when my Boss asked for a presentation, I announced to my colleagues how we  must take revenge against our boss by preparing a brilliant presentation, after which I was sent on 2 days unpaid leave. I am glad that these centers have come up, they should help me live normally again.”

Psychologist Sanjay Politicsharma says, “I too was once a victim of this problem, and ended up getting my surname changed during the elections of 1999. After curing myself, I am able to empathize with all such people who face severe issues getting over elections. Only yesterday, I saved a couple from divorce after the husband was heard speaking in his sleep and calling out names like Nirmala, Sushma, Smriti, and Shaina.”

While the common man is looking forward to join such de-addiction centers, news channels are miffed with the step as they feel that this will affect their TRPs and take away loyal viewership.