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Part of 0.5% Swachh Bharat Abhiyan cess to go towards paying college students to take a bath this winter

15, Nov 2015 By Hemant Bijapurkar

New Delhi. In an exclusive news break, Faking News has accessed a plan of the Government of India to use a part of the 0.5% planned Swachh Bharat Abhiyan cess to pay college students, especially engineering college students, to take a bath this winter. The cess was earlier announced to be levied upon the existing service tax.

The college students who usually take a hiatus from bathing in these 3-4 months are the targeted group for this scheme. It will also benefit those who never take a bath. As per the scheme, government will pay the students for taking bath this winter. They would be paying the students a flat rate whenever he takes a bath and would keep on multiplying it for every consecutive day he does so.

Kumbh Snan
Engineering students could be more excited than these devout men to take bath this winter, experts claim.

This move is generating unanimous support from people across all parties, castes, religions, sects, cults, gangs etc. as the issue of college students not taking enough bath during winters has been unsolved longer than the Kashmir issue.

One such liberal lady, who is usually opposed to the government on everything, spoke to us, “Whenever I used to visit my son’s hostel room I used to think something had died there, thanks to the excruciating stench; but little did I know that it was my son’s hygiene that was dead! Having said that, I would like to make it clear that intolerance is rising in this country and that Modi must resign. My support to this move shouldn’t be taken otherwise.”

The students, who are expected to take bath and earn, are also gearing up to the challenge. Most of these students used to just clean their faces once a day during winters are now looking forward to clean the entire body. Unfortunately, many have failed to find the hostel bathroom due to lack of use.

One such 3rd year student Mr Swacha Kumar narrated his experience, “I was hearing so many instances about people contributing to the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan; one even cleaned a Benaras Ghat which was a neglected mess for about 10 yrs! So I thought why shouldn’t I clean my body which also has been neglected for almost a similar amount of time. And now the government will pay us as well! Hence I took off one early morning at about 11:00 AM with a brand new cake of soap which my mother had bought for me in my 1st year. And that was it, I had no idea where the bathroom was! And all the kids I asked were none the wiser, how can I claim my allowance like this!”

The warden of one of the college looked worried, “I now expect hordes of students to come and take a bath but there is no plumbing in the bathroom as we never expected anyone to turn up there. Government should have consulted us before taking such an extreme step.”

Meanwhile a student group is now demanding that government should also pay every time they comb their hair.