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No fun, no colors, no celebrations this Holi for this asshole

01, Mar 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Mumbai. At a time when almost the whole nation is submerged in Holi revelry, an unadulterated asshole in a one-room flat here quietly refuses to take part in the celebrations owing to his self-imposed ban on such traditional festivals. Kiljoy Borekar believes that festivals like Holi are meaningless in the modern times and must be shelved by the humanity. Kiljoy claims that he had stopped celebrating festivals when he was just 3.

“We should save water. Holi wastes a lot of water, and we all know Mumbai is facing water scarcity. I don’t know why people can’t think rationally!” said Kiljoy agitatedly, arguing that most of the traditional festivals have become outdated.

It’s not so that Kiljoy is some loner and doesn’t enjoy social congregations. In fact he likes partying and is currently planning to organize a rain-dance party to welcome new students at his B-school.

Google helps you with Holi
Kiljoy believes that Holi has lost all its meaning

Kiljoy also mentioned that most people used Holi just as a pretext to getting closer and physical with women, and he didn’t believe in such cheap tricks.

The 23-year-old thinker had no tinge of color on his face, body or even on his clothes till the reports last came in.

Some of his friends had tried knocking at his door this morning and even threatened him to come out, but Kiljoy maintained a stoic discipline and successfully completed 20 years of his Holiless life.

Friend and family members of Kiljoy are not sure why he turned anti-Holi, even though he was never thrown in any mud-pool by his friends or was beaten up by inebriated revelers. Except that as a 3-year-old kid, he, along with his brother, had started bawling profusely when they couldn’t recognize their mom among a group of deeply colored women on what proved to be his last Holi.

Kiljoy denies any historical or personal reason behind his dislike for Holi, insisting that he had taken the decision after a rational analysis of all the traditional festivals, and pointed out that he had not celebrated Diwali as well.

“I will never celebrate this dirty festival even in the future.” announced the asshole.