Bangalore: Managers holding meetings to discuss business performance in nothing new, but Bangalore based Senior Manager, Amit Mishra, has the distinction of holding meetings to show off his knowledge of business jargons.
Faking News got a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors of meeting rooms when Amit was conducting one such meeting on a sleepy Wednesday afternoon.
“The purpose of this meeting per se is so that we compare Apples to Apples and not Apples to Oranges. The ball is in our court and we must hit it out of the park. We must catch the bull by the horns and become go-getters to harness our core competency. There is a caveat to this – we still do not have upper management buy-in for which we’ll need to form a S.W.A.T. Team as well as ensure we’re in our swim-lane. What we must do in this case is to empower everyone and not just drink the Kool-aid,” said Amit as rest of the team members nodded in agreement.
“The management wants to ensure we move the needle and open the kimono(literally). We as a team need to develop not just cutting-edge technology but bleeding-edge technology. We will in the process need to distinctively negotiate prospective human capital to ensure we’re not understaffed. The last thing we want is a burning platform with lots of moving parts,” Amit continued, wildly moving his arms like an opera conductor.
Even as some team members fell asleep, Amit opened a presentation and said, “We need to make hay without compromising our corporate values and harnessing our core competencies. This way we will be able to make hay as well as dramatically coordinate principle-centered best practices. We need to think outside the box and ensure the process we envision is scalable to growing business demands. We need to leverage the ecosystem and synergistically grow excellent materials in order to actualize and expedite the creation of client-centric intellectual capital.”
Vikas(leading onsite candidate) amazed by Amit’s command over the language raised his hand and asked, “Amit, while I understand we must be able to intrinsically scale maintainable quality vectors given the vertical we’re playing in. We’re willing to go the extra mile and give in 110% to take it to the next level.”
To which an impressed Amit responded, “I agree with you Vikas, we must work towards building a cross-functional upstream supply chain and interactively integrate dynamic storage. About the current situation – it is what it is. Let’s take the rest of our action plan offline for want of time; we also need more optic into the problem. Have a great rest of the day guys.”
Meanwhile, most team members who tried hard to keep themselves awake, were happy that the meeting that they failed to comprehend had finally ended.