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Man planning to commit suicide joins Vyapam Scam whistleblowers' list instead

07, Jul 2015 By johnrj

Bhopal. Ram Sharma, a man from the city has willingly joined the whistle blowers list in the Vyapam Scam investigations instead of manually spending time and money to commit suicide.

“Suicide is very depressing when done manually,” said Ram Sharma, “So many preparations are required to do the job but now that I have enlisted as a whistle blower, I can end up dying quickly without planning much about it.”

After many reports rose about the whistle blowers and other associates having died in strange circumstances, both the public and government officials have been bewildered over the lack of security and understanding of the whole situation.

Ram Sharma depressed after failed attempts.
Ram Sharma depressed after failed attempts.

“We don’t know how people are dying so strangely but one thing is certain. Salman Bhai has definitely not run over them,” said an investigation officer, “We are thinking it might be some black or white magic.”

Officers who are investigating the case are quickly registering themselves in insurance companies to at least help their family once they are gone. Some rumors have been spread that ISIS might have a hand in the killings or it could even be aliens due to recent UFO sightings near India.

Ram Sharma, on the other hand, was desperately trying to kill himself due to love failure thought of a better option to enlist into the whistle blowers list after getting frustrated due to his inability to do so.

“I had already tried to kill myself by hanging but due to poor quality rope, it instantly snapped off. I tried drinking poison but it was adulterated with diarrhea syrup so instead of dying I ended up getting uncontrolled diarrhea,” said a frustrated Ram, “Now nothing is required. Automatically I would die and it would seem quite natural too anyways.”

When quizzed about the Vyappam Scam if he genuinely knew anything, he replied that he has had a south Indian dish sounding almost the same so he believes he has some information about it.

“I think I know which Kerala mess is responsible in this scam,” said Ram confidently, “If I die due to over consumption of coconuts, now you would know who to filter out.”

Meanwhile MP CM Shivraj Singh Chauhan congratulated  Sharma on Twitter for this new innovation in committing suicide.