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Mad rush by Delhi people to get snooped by Police to get counted as VIP

17, Mar 2015 By amreekandesi

New Delhi. In a city obsessed with status symbols, Delhi suddenly has a new one. Ever since the Congress party erupted in allegations of the proforma being filled by Delhi Police to gather details of Congress leader Rahul Gandhi, there has begun a mad rush by people trying to get the police to fill up the form with their particulars.

The Congress has been blocking Parliament proceedings protesting against the invasion of privacy of the 43 year old youth leader, currently on sabbatical to plan his party’s revival, though Delhi Police maintains that the survey was being done for all VIPs living in Delhi. Apparently the form has been filled up for 526 VIPs already. This has sparked a mad rush by eager Delhiites to get the form filled up as a sign of having arrived.

The man whose 'alleged snooping' started it all.
The man whose ‘alleged snooping’ started it all.

We spoke to young Bablu Yadav standing on top of his Hummer outside Delhi Police headquarters, shouting out the details of his hair color, eye color, birth marks and blood group into a megaphone.

“I have a Hummer, I have a Rolls Royce, I have a 100 acre farm house in Chhattarpur, but I have always felt left out of the top circles of power. If only I can get this form filled up for me, that would be something,” he says with a spark in his eyes, as Yo Yo Honey Singh songs play inside the car.

“This baby cost 2 crore rupees,” he tells Faking News with pride.

We noticed an erudite woman standing next to his Hummer, holding a placard that read ‘Grey eyes, Silver hair, 5 feet 1 inch, 42 kgs’. The lady was wearing a cotton sari which she said was from Fab India. She said she runs an NGO that employs 5200 people feeding poor children in the jungles of Orissa. Her last book was declared among the most poignant portrayals of poverty in India and won the prestigious Slummy award last year.

“All literature festivals invite me,” she said with a loud sigh. “I have dinners with foreign diplomats and only drink Dom Perignon. I always fly business class and stay at the best hotels all over the world, but getting on THAT list,” she says with a steely determination in her voice, “would just be an announcement to the world that I am among the 526 most important people in a city of 25 million.”

We are getting similar reports from all over the city. From Supreme Court lawyers to JNU professors, everybody wants to be surveyed by the Delhi Police. The Delhi Police expresses helplessness, saying that with most of the force deputed on VIP security duty, they don’t have enough people to survey any more VIPs.

The Commissioner nervously sipped water from a glass when we met him. “I am getting so many calls from diplomats, IAS officers and party high commands. Everybody wants their favorite people to also be included in the list. We even got a call from Rahul Gandhi’s office asking us to include his gardener in the VIP list.”

He throws up his hands in despair, “But boss kis kis ka survey karen?”

We tried reaching the Delhi government for comments but the lady at the secretariat kept coughing into the phone before hanging up saying that she needs to take 10 days off to go for treatment in Bangalore.

Later in the day the Chief Minister’s office issued a statement saying that the Aam Aadmi government will propose a ‘Right to Getting Snooped’ bill shortly.

(Author of this post, Atulya is also the author of ‘Democrazy-A political spoof’. He tweets as @amreekandesi)