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Khap Panchayats declared MTV Youth Icon of the Year 2009

22, Sep 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

Mumbai. Sarv Khap Panchayats of Haryana added another feather to their cap when they were declared MTV Youth Icon for the ongoing year. They were chosen by a panel of eminent juries of MTV and millions of youth across India, who voiced their opinion through SMS, emails and phone calls. Khap Panchayats were rewarded for their unparalleled contribution to the cultural grooming, opinion making and well being of today’s youth in India.

Khap Panchayat members happy with their MTV Youth Icon of the Year trophy
Khap Panchayat members happy with their MTV Youth Icon of the Year trophy

Khap Panchayats are known world over as forces who have always helped the youth of India take the right and righteous path in their professional and personal lives. These Panchayats have treated footloose lovers with lathis (bamboo sticks) and wayward couples with even more lathis. They are the only people in India who care about ‘honor’ of today’s youth and haven’t even flinched from administering mercy killings if the situation demanded so.

“After a lot of internal debates, which included the juries calling each other motherfuckers and kicking each other in the groins, we finally decided that nobody deserved the award better than the respected Khap Panchayats. They were the only people who actually cared what the youth of India was up to. No one else, except for those sainiks who are occasionally worked up over pub-going activities, actually gives a fuck to today’s youth. Whereas our respected Khap Panchayat members are always concerned and keep an eye over each and every activity of today’s youth.” MTV executive producer Raghu Ram justified the award.

In the race to become MTV Youth Icon, Khap Panchayats defeated other nominees like Bollywood actor Shahid Kapoor, banker-writer Chetan Bhagat, unwed mother Rakhi Sawant, austere prince Rahul Gandhi, cricket womanizer manager Lalit Modi, nuclear family advocate K. Santhanam, and Mr. Tweet, the very lonely man, among others. Khaps are very happy at the final outcome.

“This was long due. If the youth had not picked us, we would have picked on them. Now the government should also give us recognition and our decisions should be given legal sanctions. Youth is safe with us (bangs the bamboo stick fiercely on the ground).” Boocher Tau, a senior Khap Panchayat member expressed happiness at the results.

To celebrate the occasion, Khap Panchayat also ordered public slapping of a 20-year-old girl, who had giggled loudly after stealthily reading some joke from a comic book that belonged to her brother. The ugly giggle of the girl had disturbed the sonorous rhythm of Boochar Tau’s hookah, which was deemed as disdainful and disrespectful by the Panchayat members. Villagers have hailed the decision.