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Snippets

Horrible looking co-passenger turns out to be distant relative

10, Aug 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Indore. In a shocking revelation for 24-year-old Nirad Singh, the hideous looking middle-aged man traveling along with him in the same railway compartment turned out to be his distant relative, a finding that was chanced upon by Nirad once they started talking two hours after the journey began. Nirad was trying his best to deal with the difficult and embarrassing situation when reports last came in.

“Aha, so you are the nephew of P K Singh’s brother-in-law? I’m his elder cousin from his mother’s side.” said the man with three-day stubble and two publicly exposed decayed teeth, after successfully engaging Nirad in a conversation once he was done with his inquisitions with five others in the same compartment.

The man, later identified as Govardhan Singh, was found talking loudly on phone when Nirad had boarded the train at 12.30 PM earlier today. Later he prepared khaini by clapping and rubbing his palms, negotiated for five minutes to buy Buffin soap strips from an 11-year-old vendor, and even farted unassumingly, making a three-second long whistling sound even as he kept eye contact with others; all of which made Nirad feel disgusted to the core.

“Fucktard even offered me khaini, which infuriated me like anything, but I politely refused.” Nirad shared his frustrating and humiliating experience with Faking News on phone when he came out of the Coach No. B5 of Malwa Express at the next station to breathe in fresh air. Govardhan was sitting next to him with both his legs on the berth and a pair of dirty and smelly socks in his lap.

The Train
Amit was hoping to find some beautiful girl as his co-passenger when he had booked the train tickets

For the next couple of hours, Nirad repeatedly felt like bashing Govardhan’s head against the window and throwing him on the tracks under the running train as the man wearing a shirt with floral designs asked all kinds of questions to other passengers in the compartment, and hosted one of his friends from another coach for half an hour as they discussed something about plastic bottles that made no sense at all to anyone else.

“I thought he must have been one of those lower class uncouth folks from that part of the country, you know, but was shocked to find out that he shared some relatives with me!” said Nirad, who was devastated to discover this unexplored aspect of his lineage, and started averting eyes with others in the compartment once his association with Govardhan went public.

Nirad conceded that for a moment he even tried to rationalize the behavior of Govardhan after being exposed to the relationship with him, but found it very discomforting and impractical.

“I can accept the fact that we evolved from apes but can’t admit such chaps being in my family tree.” Nirad said, calling for a narrower and stricter definition of a family to be adopted by the society.

According to sources, Govardhan was ready with a plan to use Nirad’s slippers to go to the rather dirty bathroom in the railway coach for taking a dump, a possibility Nirad had not yet envisioned even as he mulled deeply over the worth of social relationships.