New Delhi. After protecting millions of heads and lives across the country for decades, helmet – our once ubiquitous companion is on the path of extinction.
This gives our humble ‘helmet’ an unique distinction of being the first non living object to officially enter the list of endangered species – as per the latest data released by IUCN (International Union of Conservation of Nature).
When Faking News contacted IUCN about this sudden departure from tradition, they said, “We had to put helmet on our list as their decline in developing world especially India is upsetting the natural balance of people wearing helmets vs people not wearing them.”
Indian government reacted sharply to this decision and termed it as an embarrassment of colossal proportions. Opposition latched on to this opportunity to lambast the govt and termed this as ‘Bure Din aane waale hain‘.
Faking News decided to speak to Aam Junta (Not to be confused with Aam Aadmi) to gauge their reaction to this news and this is what they had to say:
“I really feel sad that we have only 2000 helmets left in the country. It used to be part of our family when my father used to proudly wear it, but now as we live in present times, we do multi-tasking while driving like listening to songs, talking to a friend, doing make up, last-minute studying, even dressing up and helmets are a serious distraction in all of these important activities. May it rest in
piece peace,” rued a teenager Sid on his shiny two-wheeler adjusting his hair in the mirror and shaking his head before speeding and honking off the road.
“I will not let this happen, I’m still a proud owner of the helmet and I will make sure others don’t dump it,” said another IT professional before he placed his helmet in his hand and drove off on his new motorcycle wearing a double scarf. When asked, why doesn’t he wear the helmet, he said, “Oh, I can’t see around properly wearing it, moreover, jumping signals and overtaking vehicles from the wrong side become a hassle. This double scarf also protects me from dust, pollution and accidents & I can yell at people & ogle at girls while driving and the best part is that my arms get some exercise with this heavy helmet during the course of my nightmare (read journey) to office.”
Government has also swung into action and has come up with various innovative schemes to ensure helmets do not go the dinosaur way.
1. Click a ‘Helfie’ (Selfie with a helmet), upload it on Facebook and get one year absolutely FREE for your college education.
2. All those with a helmet as an identity proof would get 2 LPG cylinders free every year. (OMG! Seriously!)
3. Rs 50,000 extra exemption as part of 80C deduction for salaried class if a scanned copy of helmet is shown that is notarized by a lawyer.
4. All ‘Mukesh, tobacco is harmful’ ads to be replaced by ‘Suresh, save our helmets’ ads in all cinema halls and television channels.
5. Government to encourage buying of helmets through all government appointed ration shops.
6. Second-hand selling of helmets to be banned. If you buy it, you can’t get rid of it.
7. ‘Na Samaj Me Aati Party’ has already announced free helmets to all the jobless youth in the state.
Government is also thinking of a museum dedicated to ‘The Evolution and Extinction of Helmets’. Other plans on the anvil include helmet based reservation quota in all the major colleges across India.
Modi has already assured the countrymen, “First helmets, then Hindutva.”