Murgaam, Harynana. The falling sex ratio has prompted a man from Haryana to take extreme measures. Faced with a shortage of women in his village, 28 years old, Rajan Dhanna found an unorthodox solution befitting of his rural community. Last week Rajan married Simi. Simi has been described as “fair, youthful, obedient and an excellent provider of food”. Simi also happens to be a chicken, a young hen.
“There are no women in my village,” explained Rajan, “but I know my farming; chickens are the only other community which suffers from this sort of gender imbalance. Only for them it’s the reverse. Bingo!”
He then explained that instead of competing for a dwindling number of women and going on “dates, meeting parents, going shopping and watching chick-flicks”, he could simply walk into the hen run and take his pick.
“The cockerel tried to peck me, but I kick him and he ran off squawking,” he said, “greedy bugger had twenty hens to himself, well there’s a new guy in town and he’s bigger, stronger and has opposable thumbs.”
The courtship was “short and really cheap”, Rajan told us. “She liked me from the first moment,” he said, “within five minutes she was eating out of my hand, it takes months to get to that stage with a woman and even then they want cutlery and expensive food, mind you, it was decent grain.”
Rajan’s choice of bride has confounded traditional authorities. Unsure of Simi’s caste, gotra or even precise breed, village elders have approved the union.
“Well, we thought that if the chicken has a gotra, then Rajan definitely isn’t a member, according to our records at least,” said Bhagat Mann, village elder, “also, Rajan explained that his friend Kishan has been living with the bride’s family for generations and has arranged many marriages for them in the past. He says Simi is definitely a Jat, so that’s fine.”
Rajan’s parents are also pleased with the union. The dowry was very reasonable, Rajan’s uncle told Faking News; he paid around Rs.150, which he says is a very reasonable rate for 1.5kgs. “Actually,” he continued, “if our Rajan can get that rate every time, I don’t mind if he marries the whole flock.”
Animal rights organization PETI has welcomed the marriage. “We think this shows that animals can play an active role in human society,” said a spokesman, “the gender imbalance in the chicken population is a major issue. Most hens have little choice but to opt for abusive polygamous relations with a patriarchal male.”
Questions have been raised as to how Rajan is going to consummate his marriage. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said. Faking News raised the issue of divorce, to which we were told that Rajan’s family were “not vegetarians”.
Whilst this inter-community marriage might be a first for Haryana, it is by no means unique. In 2005 a British man living in Mumbai “married” his Indian dog before returning home in order to evade UK quarantine regulations. He cited “family reunification” laws. Reports of a man marrying a horse came out of Maharashtra in 2007, but closer investigation revealed that they were false. The bride just “wasn’t the best looking woman in the world”.