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Govt orders tobacco companies to write "Smoking is good for health" to make people hate cigarettes

07, Jun 2014 By idiot420

New Delhi. Using the concept of reverse psychology to make people hate cigarettes, Government of India has made it mandatory for tobacco companies to write “Smoking is good for health” on cigarette boxes.

“Statutory warning of smoking is injurious to health on cigarette packet is a big failure and we have to accept this truth. It looks like people are programmed to do the opposite of what they are advised to do. Which is why we are now going to ask them to smoke, just like we ask them to pay taxes,” Gyani Joshi, a senior government official told Faking News.

Cigarette
Hoax

Since smokers have shown scant concern form their health and longevity, the government is now planning to promote cigarettes and tobacco as being healthy and pro-life product.

“Every cigarette that a person smokes will be adding 5 minutes to his or her life. Chain smokers are possibly going to become like a tortoise, living for 200 and 300 years. If you hate your life, then what’s the use of living so long, that too after becoming old, it would be pathetic,” Gyani Joshi warned about the pro-life side effects of tobacco products.

Government has also asked cigarette companies to replace the photo of cancerous lung on the cigarette packets, with that of a healthy lung. Even the legendary anti-smoking ad, which multiplexes show before every movie, has been changed accordingly.

The new ad features same Mukesh Harane, who now says, “My name is Mukesh. Last year I died because of eating too many fruits. Then doctors made my dead body smoke cigarettes for a couple of days and I became alive. Life sucks.”

Soon after the announcement, a survey was conducted to gauge public reaction to the decision. As per initial reports, many youngsters are calling it a big turn off and have already started losing interest in cigarettes.

“Man, it’s no more a cool thing to consume. Can you believe it, my parents are pressurizing me to smoke at least one cigarette before sleeping,” said a pissed off teenager from Delhi, “Earlier, smoking a cigarette while hiding it from parents used to give me a sense of adventure and accomplishment. But now, with no risk involved, it’s like drinking milk.”

Meanwhile, taking a cue from government’s initiative, a fruit-seller near a college in Delhi boosted his business by putting a big banner on his shop which reads – “Mangoes will be sold to only those above 18 years of age.”

“Now college students have started buying all kinds of fruits and they eat it in style in front of girls to impress them,” confirmed the fruit-seller, “Some crazy ones even drive past girls on bike while eating mangoes. They love to live dangerously.”