New Delhi. Goats from all across the world have invoked a war cry against People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) activists, demanding immediate arrest of such activists.
Mr. Bakra Dutt, a human member and spokesperson of GETE (Goats for Ethical Treatment of its Eaters), who works as an interpreter between humans and goats, had organized a mass protest in Delhi, which was attended by 1500 goats. As the GETE leader Goshtiwal bleated, Bakra translated those over the loudspeaker during a protest organized in the national capital.
“We, the millions of goats of India and our billion brothers across the world, unanim(al)ously condemn the barbaric and murderous act by PETA in the Madhya Pradesh city of Bhopal. We were depressed by this inhumane act by the PETA women, who showed how harmful the feminist movements are to this world. By suggesting people to convert to vegetarianism, these PETA activists are doing ‘Veg Jihad’. PETA is stripping us of our basic living purpose, to be slaughtered and eaten by our eaters. If they stop beheading and eating us, what will we do? Go and work in an IT company!? That is worse!”
All the goats bleated in unison after the speech got over.
Mr. Goatham, GETE Chairman, bleated via phone into the mic, which Bakra Dutt translated, too condemned the PETA activists and called on the goats to do a “Cooperation movement” and try to behead themselves outside everyone home, so that they can be guaranteed to be priced at 72 Rupees when landing as pieces in one biryani plate.
After the speech, Faking News met Mr. Dutt who explained the anger of goats and how PETA was indulging in “Veg Jihad”.
“GETE has uncovered the Veg Jihad being organized and spread by Brahmins and other vegetarians, under the guise of PETA. This is a dirty act by Veggies, who show themselves as non-vegetarians, eat chicken buckets in KFC, mutton biryani in Zaitoon, and fish fry in Kerala hotels. They marry a non-vegetarian girl and then after marriage, show their true color. They beat and abuse the non-veg girl to cook only veg food. Then, they convert the girl into vegetarianism,” Bakra explained.
“This can only be fought if goats are slaughtered and eaten at regular intervals. We need to defeat vegetarianism. We are happy that goats have spoken up and given their consent for the slaughter,” he added.
When asked how can only 1500 goats represent the entire goat community, Bakra claimed that consent of the goat was never a problem.
“See, before we behead a goat, or say it in their own terms, sacrifice for the sake of greater food, we test their intelligence level. We ask them ‘Which month comes after April?’. If it replies ‘May’, then we ask ‘Shall we behead you?’, for which, if it answers ‘May’, then we consider it as acceptance and we slaughter them. We do so only with their own acceptance. Ok, I goat to go! We goat to meat soon!” he said.
The protest march abruptly came to an end after one of the leader of GETE, Ashugosht, bleated, “Don’t bee con fused over the sail ants of the lamps. We will protext till we are slowtered. June!”