Monday, 25th September, 2017

Snippets

Dumb guy shocked to see fat girl as his blind date

02, Feb 2014 By Tanuj Khosla

New Delhi: Two days ago Hardik Dikshit was the happiest man in the world. Ranked the 478thmost handsome guy in Delhi University as per a survey conducted by him and a group of friends, he couldn’t believe his luck when he landed a blind date through an online dating website. A quick Facebook search on the girl (name withheld on request) revealed an attractive face and his joy knew no bounds. He immediately sent her a ‘Friend Request’ which was accepted in less than 30 seconds. To say that he was ecstatic would be an understatement.

Hardki was obviously blind to other features
Hardik was obviously blind to other attributes of the girl besides her body.

Borrowing a shirt from Ramesh, shades from Mahesh, body language from George Clooney and accent from Brad Pitt, he strode confidently into a swanky café in Khan Market, fifteen minutes before the scheduled time. In order to impress his date he ordered two Iced Mochas, iced because he didn’t want hot coffee to turn cold by the time she came and Mocha because according to research by his friend Kameshwar, chocolates put girls in the ‘mood’.

Half an hour later he licked the whipped cream from his glass for the second time using his finger but still there was no sign of her. He was about to spit out the seed from the cherry that was on top of the whipped cream into the flower pot kept near him when he suddenly heard his name from behind. He quickly swallowed the seed. Pulling in his cheeks from inside of his mouth using his teeth in order to ‘create’ dimples, he got up and turned around. But the dimples gave way to a dropped jaw in less than a nanosecond.

Standing before him was a girl with the face that he had seen over twenty thousand times on Facebook in the last two days but with the body of a sumo wrestler. She came forward and gave him a warm hug. However Hardik remained frozen. It took a poke by a fork on his backside by the café manager to bring him back to life after which he dashed out of the café like Usain Bolt, with a waiter running after him with the bill for the Iced Mochas.

The bill was later sent to his hostel. However Hardik refused to foot the same.

Faking News called up Hardik after going through his Facebook profile which itself had a DP of Hrithik Roshan with 8 packs, to hear his side of the story. “I am planning to file cases against the online dating site and Facebook when I grow up,” he growled angrily at the other end “Facebook should make it mandatory for everybody to have their full-body snaps as profile pictures. As for the bill for Iced Mochas, I didn’t even hold her hand, this was no date, why should I pay? I won’t give the café a single paisa.”

Meanwhile the café has registered a case against him for non-payment of bill in the Delhi High Court.

Faking News caught up with Tanuj Khosla, its in-house expert on such issues. “What Hardik did was indeed very cheap but quite expected given that he reveres people like KRK,” said Tanuj pointing to numerous KRK fan pages Hardik likes on Facebook, “I would highly recommend the girl to send him the money for the two coffees along with some for a tip to Hardik in order to show him his class. I would also delete Hardik from my friend’s list on Facebook if I were her.”