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Activists appeal people to get unconscious for two days for a totally safe Diwali

22, Oct 2014 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. The annual festival of saying no to crackers has found a new vigor as revelers have appealed to Diwali celebrating people to make themselves comatose for two days, so that a totally safe and green Diwali is observed.

“We have found out the root cause of the problem of pollution – it is the people who can’t say no to crackers,” said an activist who has been saying no to crackers every Diwali, even though his housing society bursts more crackers on the New Year’s eve than on Diwali.

Unconscious
Activists released a poster showing the ideal way to celebrate Diwali

“Crackers don’t cause pollution all by themselves, it’s the people who burn them on Diwali cause pollution. That’s why we have realized that saying no to crackers is not enough, we have to say no to these people,” the activist explained.

“If these guys are made to lie unconscious for two days – on chhoti Diwali and badi Diwali – we could have the safest Diwali ever,” he added.

Since activists believe in individual liberty and personal choice, they rejected a proposal to forcibly feed sedatives and sleeping pills to Diwali enthusiasts. Instead, they have started a campaign asking these enthusiasts to turn themselves into virtual dead meat during the festival.

“We are requesting them to try some high power drugs or take overdose of sleeping pills, so that they don’t end up doing something that is unsafe for the environment and fellow human beings,” the activist explained the latest awareness campaign.

Activists claim that if people just lie unconscious, environment will benefit like anything.

“They won’t light diyas or decorative lamps, which will save oxygen and electricity, and thus lower greenhouse gas emissions,” one of the activists pointed out, “And don’t get us wrong, it’s for their own good. If they are not unconscious, they might end up eating mithai made up of adulterated khoya and fall ill.”

“We care for them,” the activist claimed.

Activists clarified that they were not against human beings but against human beings harming environment on Diwali, the most lethal day for the environment.

“It is not practical, and we have to live with those,” the activist told Faking News when asked why they were not in favor of putting smokers, car owners, event managers, manufacturers, builders, etc. in coma for a few days too.