Sunday, 24th September, 2017

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UPSC aspirant since 4 years, nominated as PM's think-tank chief, based on Facebook rants

20, May 2015 By Devesh Singh Solanki

Patna. Dismayed at the state of affairs in the nation currently, Rahul Yadav from the city has written an open letter to the PM offering him a “golden chance”(sic) to appoint him as chief of his think-tank.

Standing at a tea-stall with a cutting chai in one hand and a gold flake (chhota) in other, Rahul enlightens everybody on what next steps could help us outdo China and annihilate Pakistan. He is daily found expressing his strong/disturbing views on all current affairs on Facebook in a language that has, on a good day, about 20-30% resemblance with English.

He has a huge social media following and he boasts number of likes even up to 2 digits on some of his posts. His revolutionary ways of supporting world peace by quoting Hilter, making arguments in favor of democracy by quoting Lenin and Marx, and citing Kim-Jong-Un as the embodiment of Non violence has won him accolades from Inception fame, Christopher Nolan and free counselling from Dr.Khurrana (Psych.).

Yadav busy gaining skills
Yadav busy gaining skills

Rahul owes all his knowledge to photocopied Rao sir’s notes. He has read in bits (literally) what all he could get for free from friends and past aspirants.He, like 24,856 others claims to have cleared prelims on all occasions and flunked mains just because of the compulsory language papers. Holy Shit ! So far, only his mother is found to be backing and believing this story. His sharp eye for recognizing corruption in the most unsuspecting of places, is often confused with AAP (Ati Anavashyak Pratikriya) disorder and his solution of capital punishment to even the slightest of offense of a particular community proves his VHP(Viciously Hyper Paranoia) syndrome.

While his father, Ramesh Yadav, wanted his son to get any petty government job and open a Swiss bank account someday, Rahul had bigger aspirations. He finds it obligatory to use the immense knowledge that he has gained over the years for the development of the nation. He still remembers the first day of his coaching in Delhi, everything around has changed drastically since then, except for his marks which have slightly lowered. After a lot of career counselling with his “chai-sutta” buddies, he has finally found the calling of his life and there’s no looking back now.

Rahul, in order to back his claim has cited various instances where he has proved to be an astute statesman in the past. How he has been able to survive in Delhi despite using all funds sent from home on Pooja Mishra (changed name) shows his strong financial prowess.

His role in first instigating and then pacifying a fight between Pappu and Narendra over a bottle of ‘Old Monk’ shows his diplomatic skills. His attitude towards the Chinese (people from north-eastern states), Madrasis (anybody darker in complexion than him) and Pakistanis (all muslims) can form a strong foundation for our foreign policies.

He has also started a petition on change.org, urging people to sign it to make his dream and the nation’s (alleged) dream come true. And yes, his mom has already signed the petition thrice!