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UN passes new peace-keeping resolution to curb Twitter wars

06, Jul 2015 By Beer & Biryani

New York: In an interesting development, the United Nations has reportedly passed a new peace-keeping resolution to keep in check the wars happening on the popular social networking site, Twitter.

Indian journalists and their ego wars on twitter
Indian journalists and their ego wars on twitter

Speaking to Faking News, the Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said, “It is absolutely wrong on the part of the public to spread hatred and disharmony on social media. Online wars have to be prevented at any cost as the risk of wars is higher in the virtual world. The use of CC: to mark a user as a witness between conversations, tagging irrelevant people and becoming a laughing stock will be considered an international crime as soon as the new peace keeping resolution ‘Tweet Peace 2015’ becomes effective. After a lot of discussions with net-savvy nations, we have come up with this break-through resolution that will guarantee online world peace.”

Although, globally there is apprehension with respect to ‘Tweet Peace 2015’, the journalist Twitterati from the sub-continent showed their resentment and condemned this resolution while showing no signs of fear.

Here’s how a noted journalist known to be suffering from secularism-dyslexia reacted. “After a long day, I feel the need to uplift my ego. It is rightly fortified by my deliberate comparison with rival journos and with the support of my jobless followers”, said Saarika Ghorse who is frequently seen waging wars on Twitter.

Saarika appeared exuberant as she said, “Sometimes, I abruptly end conversations on Twitter with a shubhratri or a good night depending on my desi/pardesi mood. This abrupt end takes shape of a war which I always end up realizing in the morning while checking the updates on Twitter. This fuels my desire for more and more wars. Twitter wars are, after all, the spice of life.”

As per sources, Indian journalists spend 80% of their time on Twitter waging worthless battles, instead of concentrating ‘real-time’ on field. ‘Tweet Peace’ is just the start; many more resolutions might come into existence if these wars are not stopped with immediate effect.